Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Moral of this story? He IS lucky, to be alive!

Just this item below today, before I start packing for my trip. For good measure, I'll tag on Jose Feliciano's "Light My Fire" and the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" YouTube clips. Will resume blogging on 1st July.


Light My Fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trrZNNymICY

Stayin' Alive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcPdzsL0kMQ

Monday, June 11, 2012

Fewer, not less; and other sloppy use of language...

Looks like I have enough stuff for a "trilogy". My past two blog entries highlighted strange and then creative language use. Moi's blog du jour is bad language use...

Fewer, not less



If you need help on when to use "fewer" and when to use "less", here it is...

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/difficulties/fewerless.html

Double up? Why, you have a stomach ache?




In the first case, I don't see how one can have an "enhanced driving experience" when one is doubling up in pain. In the second case, simply say "doubles as an ez-link card...".

Got talent, not talents lah, if you are referring to people!




Put it this way... if a certain popular show ever gets a local version, the language manglers will call it "Singapore's Got Talents"! Elsewhere, it's "Britain's Got Talent", "America's Got Talent", etc. You are perfectly right, though, if you say "Ah Heng has many talents, like juggling maids and babies while he is at the same time clubbing misbehaving patrons at the nightclub where he doubles up as a bouncer".

When not to use "existing" as an adjective

In the matrix above, both "new products" and "new customers" are okay. And you can say "existing products". But you can't say "existing customers" because what you really mean is "current customers".

Think about it... an existing product can be upgraded, replaced, terminated, etc, because it is inanimate. Likewise, an existing law can be allowed to die.

So, you can't have "existing customers", "existing HDB tenants", etc! As I have said, what you want to say are "current customers" or "current tenants", etc. They may cease to be customers or tenants but that does not make them deceased!

It is of course perfectly all right to say "current products", "current laws", etc. Indeed, "current" is the preferred all-rounder word.

Likewise, the example below is bad -- but for a different reason. Here, the word "existing" is redundant:


A common error: I just bought a condo! (or condominium!)


In the Singapore context, ECs are Executive Condominiums. Each condominium (popularly shortened to "condo") will have x number of apartment units. So I can't imagine -- in the headline above -- Singapore having 5,000 ECs!

But you will hear people saying "I just bought a condo!" True, we have many, many millionaires but those with money to splurge will buy an expensive unit or even two here, another one there, etc.

Condominium pronunciation note: One Cabinet minister was famous for pronouncing this word as "condom-inium" when he was in charge of the relevant portfolio but please don't follow (him) lor. It should be rendered as "condo-minium".

Redundancy: No such thing as "12 noon". Noon will do


For want of the all-important apostrophe, the meaning is changed!


The above should be rendered as "Common women's problems". As it is, this ad seems elitist. There are "common women" and they are giving problems (to others)!

Last one: the gender bender


This is more a blooper than a language issue, but it is still an example of sloppy work. I guess one can't be too careful with foreign names. The mantra "Never assume" always applies.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Unleashing the creative juices: People who have fun at work...

I think you can tell when people are having fun at work. From headline writers to ad copywriters, the creative ones always provide that extra pizzazz (without being offensive to anyone).

For example, you can write a straightforward headline...

 
Or, you can playfully write this wackier one...


But such creativity requires one to be curious, in this case, to understand American politics, to be aware that Dick Cheney is known to be a controversial unflinching ultra-right wing politician.

A wide knowledge of the music scene must have enabled this person to pen this headline below:


Sex always sells newspapers? How about sax, ie, to catch your attention?...


Here's yet another "damn good" play on words...


These two, from two rival papers, are equally good...



Vogue fashion magazine decided that it would not allow pictures of overly-skinny models to adorn its pages. You may think it was easy to come up with this headline below. It seemed obvious, but only after some bright spark thought of it!...


What do today's digital natives do when looking for love? Here's the answer (courtesy of a fan of the actor Hugh Grant?)...


Let's not leave all the fun to the newspapers. The online website xin.msn came up with this excellent one, about someone pulling a stunt and disrupting a boat race by jumping into the river...


People who write up ads have to attract eye-balls. Here's a really classy motoring ad, for BMW's convertible range...


Finally, budget airline Scoot's inaugural Singapore-Sydney flight was titillatingly announced thus:

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Assorted strange headlines...


So, what about them?... was the ceiling too low, or were they too tall?


Yeah, I can imagine how tough this act must be. But it'll be a show-stopper!


Okay, I'm quibbling on this one, but a bus has wheels, not tracks, right?


Very, very violent folks... I guess they used their fists after the clubs they wielded had been broken!


Still on the nightclub scene, I've always wondered why they are called "bouncers, whether they deflect or they react?


I'm in two minds about this one... too contrived, or a clever pun? Hmmm.


Er, so why are we hiring the maids?


I really can't figure this one out... apart from gruesome thoughts!


What are do-it-yourself ministers?


Apparently a young woman and a man pretending to be a beggar faked this "kiss of life" stunt just to get into the news. But, nah, this headline just does not work.


So, is this an admonishing headline? What's wrong with such upgrading?


That means he killed more than one woman, right?


Go on, just walk in, and help out. No experience required.


Huh? But of course! What did you expect??


I like this one best. Very respectful fish head!


I'm just being cheeky on this last of my examples here. I always thought it was the other way around... prostitutes do the "harbouring"!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Blur like sotong, ah? No lah... like a cloudy posterior capsule.

I was wondering why I was blur like a sotong (literally, not figuratively). I could not comfortably read stuff in print or work on the computer, and the sun's glare hurt.

I finally saw the eye doctor today and he said I needed surgery again, albeit it'll be a quick, outpatient procedure (but one costing me a four-figure sum!). Op date is 7 July, since I am about to go off on a vacation trip from June 13-28 (no blog entries durung that period).

So what was my problem? It happened before, last year -- to my right eye. The membrane, or posterior capsule, had become clouded. This can happen to people who have had cataract surgery. I had cataract surgery for both eyes, and this time it was the turn of the left eye to go blurry. I Googled and this is what I found:

http://eugeneeyecare.com/conditions/posterior_capsulotomy_laser_after_cataract_surgery.html

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Today is actually the second anniversary of cataract-cum-glaucoma surgery on my right eye. The second op -- also cataract-cum-glaucoma -- on my left eye was done a week later. In addition, I now have silicon implants -- punctal plugs -- in my eyes.

Writing up my blog has not been easy these past few days, so I am looking forward to both the rest break during my vacation, and the July 7 operation.

The eye doc also found that my eyesight had worsened a little, and my astigmatism had increased.

To look on the bright side, at least now, while I still need to wear glasses for driving or for reading, these are low-powered ones. I used to look really nerdy with my super-thick glasses. So, this poster I saw at the opticians made me smile...


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Finally, CC has been prolific in sending me stuff. This one is obviously a conservative American joke :

Why I'm depressed
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land to a foreign country!
I was so depressed last night thinking about my retirement, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, etc . . .
I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press "1" for English. I was then connected to a call center in yet another foreign country.
told the person who answered (in a thick foreign accent) that I was suicidal. He got excited and asked if I could drive a truck!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Warm fuzzies for her; will there be any for him?

Press to have your say!
Predictably, everyone's having his/her say about the young woman Singaporeans now call the Sticker Lady.

You're hearing it all on the radio, watching it on TV, and reading it in print and online. It'll build up until she's charged, and will likely continue after that. I think she should copyright her sticker slogans... the marketing people are already sniffing out the money-making possibilities. With apologies to Superman, here's my own ode to her:

Faster than a speeding Ferrari
(well, until she got nabbed)
More creative than ad writers
Able to paint "Grandfather Road" in a single stroke
She's... Sticker Lady!

---------------------------------------------

Why press so late, he fumes
While many people have the warm fuzzies towards the Sticker Lady (there's a fairly big picture of her in today's ST, Home, page B8), there might be mixed feelings about a young man who struck at an old woman in a bus, causing her to fall onto the road.

The reason for the unprovoked attack? She was slow in pressing the buzzer to exit, and the bus had starting moving off. But this man was not the driver, who did stop for her. There's a video of what happened in this insing.com story (originally a New Paper story)...


http://news.insing.com/tabloid/video-man-pushes-old-woman-out-of-the-bus/id-e64f3f00

On his Facebook page, the man says he has a history of anger management issues, and indeed his high-pitched rants on the video clip seem to indicate that he needs help. But I think many people will expect the police to act even though the man claims the old woman has since agreed "to drop the matter". As with the Sticker Lady saga, this story ain't over yet.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

English from all over!

You have to figure out what "W" combined with the picture of an anchor means to grasp the humour in this Aussie road safety sign:


Meanwhile, was the person who penned this local online headline aware of the double entendre?...


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CC sent me this...
Wonderful English from Around the World 

In a Bangkok Temple: 

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: 

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome: 

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: 

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant: 

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: 

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: 

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In an unidentified city restaurant: 

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery: 

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: 

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant: 

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar: 

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel in Yugoslavia: 

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel in Japan: 

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: 

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: 

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel in Zurich: 

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: 

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome: 

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

And finally the all-time classic...
Seen in an Abu Dhabi shop window:

IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH BACKSIDE.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The law and the case of the Sticker Lady... what will happen next?

Now that a suspect -- a 25-year-old woman -- has been arrested for those pedestrian sticker pranks ("Press Until Shiok", etc), as well as sprayed graffiti on some roads with the ungrammatical legend "My Grandfather Road", the focus now is on: how will the law handle her case?

Some netizens are already lionising her, calling her with a palpable sense of awe the "Sticker Lady". Many are saying, hey, chill out, man, this is street art too, even if the law here clearly says it is vandalism. Of course the local mainstream media, in their reports, will be careful to also include comments from folks who say, throw the book at her. No graffiti please, this is Singapore!

Here are the reports from insing.com and xin.msn...


http://news.insing.com/tabloid/vandalism/id-4a4f3f00


http://news.xin.msn.com/en/singaporeans-rally-behind-free-sticker-lady-movement

http://news.xin.msn.com/en/singapore/my-grandfather-road-markings-identified-as-vandal-woman-arrested

---------------------------------------------------

If you want to read an irreverent commentary on this literally hot-button issue, here's the take from New Nation (50% Real News)...

http://newnation.sg/2012/06/sticker-lady-nabbed-singapore-averts-disaster/

So what will happen to her? Well, this is Singapore in the era of New Politics. I guess there will first be public soul-searching, with lots of ink spilt, airtime and TV time used up, and bandwidth consumed -- with the people's "voices" coming out strongly.

A public consensus will ultimately be reached that she was young and foolish but the law is the law. If she is contrite (very likely, of course), she may get a suspended sentence. A warning will be issued: who else tries this stunt will not be so lucky.

If she is not contrite?... That's not going to happen. 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Ketchup = fish sauce? Well, it was originally a Hokkien word...

There's this claim that ketchup (sometimes spelled "catsup") is derived from a Southern Min (now Hokkien, Teochew, etc) word that means "pickled fish sauce"!

It seems, says this American blogger, that Chinese sea-farers from coastal areas such as Fujian province had learnt about making delicious fish sauce from coastal folks along the Mekong region of Southeast Asia.

He says the Southern Min called their culinary rendition ke-tchap. Anyway, when the angmohs came to trade with Imperial China (and later to carve it up), they liked "ke-tchap" so much that they took the recipe back to England and America.

Later, they found it too expensive to use imported pickled fish and used walnuts or mushrooms instead. Then, later, tomato-based ketchup was invented. If you find all this too fishy to believe, here's an extract from the blog, which incidentally also featured in today's ST Life ("Ketchup comes from China", page C2)...

...between about 1300 and 1800 vast numbers of Southern Min speakers (Hokkien and Teochiu) sailed between China and Southeast Asia, trading and settling in Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Burma, and the Philippines, exactly the regions that today use fish sauce. The Chinese traders presumably picked up fish sauce from mainland south-east Asia along the Mekong river where it was developed by the Vietnamese and Khmer, and spread it to China, the Philippines, and Indonesia. The British encountered these Chinese in Indonesia or elsewhere in Southeast Asia, borrowed the word ketchup, brought it home, and started right in on messing with the recipe.

If you want to read this rather longish blog itself, here it is...

http://languageoffood.blogspot.sg/2009/09/ketchup.html

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Hot-button humour, my favourite Get Fuzzy rib-ticklers, and the POSB logo...

Remember the pedestrian-crossing buttons (example above) that, some months back, were found covered with "Press once can already" stickers? The authorities weren't amused though, and I do not recall anyone getting caught for the prank. So, did the same prankster strike again recently with another Singlish-laced sticker?...


There's a double entendre in this latest one too! Meanwhile, air bags for taxis have been a recent hot-button issue while the local casinos are always a contentious topic. ST's artists had some recent fun with these two subjects...



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My favourite cartoon strip is Get Fuzzy...





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Finally, DBS Bank has been in the news quite often of late, and it is not hunky dory. Its attempt to snag Indonesia's Bank Danamon seems mired now. It reminds me of DBS Bank's unpopular takeover of POSBank in 1998. One wag even noticed then that POSBank's fate was pre-ordained. Why so? With some imagination, the POSB logo -- when looked at upside down -- resembles the letters D, B, and S!...




TalkingCock.com even came up with a spoof...

http://lumpar.com/business_archive_4.htm