A thank-you note marked 'Confidential', plus silly legal mumbo-jumbo

Word of the Day: Mumbo-jumbo

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/mumbo-jumbo.html

The link above gives an interesting account of how the expression "mumbo-jumbo" came to be used in the English language. It means generally the spouting of nonsense -- whether in speech or as written words.

I have a special interest in legal mumbo-jumbo, but first, I'll relate this.

The OpenNet people came to install the next-generation high-speed broadband optical fibre cabling in my home today (OpenNet is the project's national infrastructure provider appointed by the government). The technicians were quite efficient and one of them even handed me a thank-you note before he left. But printed at the top of the letter was the word "Confidential".

Huh? It's a typical thank-you letter to a home owner, not an internal memo! In government service, this classification is just one tier below "Secret" and you can't dispose of such a note without -- and here's an example of mumbo-jumbo -- "following proper procedures".

So, what do I do with it? Hah, I shall write a thank-you note to OpenNet's thank-you note and classify mine "Secret". That'll make them run to the shredder machine to dispose of my note instead of simply crushing it up and throwing it into the bin.

Okay, now for the legal mumbo-jumbo stuff. I'm sure many people will have noticed that, these days,  many emails or letters from all sorts of entities carry as a tag-on something like this:

Any person receiving this email and any attachment(s) contained, shall treat the information as confidential and not misuse, copy, disclose, distribute or retain the information in any way that amounts to a breach of confidentiality. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete all copies of this email from your computer system. As the integrity of this message cannot be guaranteed, neither XXX nor any entity in the XXX Group shall be responsible for the contents. Any opinion in this email may not necessarily represent the opinion of XXX or any entity in the XXX Group.

Wah lau! Let me attempt a simplification.

Hello, if this email was mistakenly sent to you, please delete it. If you pass on its contents and get into trouble -- like getting sued off your pants -- don't blame us. We've covered our ass (at least that's what our lawyers tell us).

Incidentally, this example I'm using is from the mass promotional emails one of my credit card providers send out to card holders. Since the contents are product special offers, dining discounts, etc, one would have thought the company would be urging card holders to pass on the information, to generate more business and to tell others how wonderful this credit card company is!

But a recent newspaper ad, by another credit card company, has, after highlighting all the wonderful advantages of signing up -- and in place of the usual mumbo-jumbo detailing all the conditions and caveats -- this simple tag: "The usual legal mumbo-jumbo applies". Kudos to it; that tag-on small print was clever and creative.

To wrap up, I found this cheeky online send-up on legal mumbo-jumbo:

http://www.pilkey.com/legal.htm