It's true... the 'punnier' it is, the 'brainier' you are!

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
If you are still scratching your head over this easy one, blame it on your brain. If you, as I expect many people to, got the answer to that one easily, you are very punny or at the least, your brain is wired to be receptive to jokes that involve wordplay.

Anyway, ST ("Cracking jokes", 30 June, page A28) reports that British scientists have uncovered how the human brain responds to jokes [but do non-human brains respond to jokes?].

They scanned the brains of 12 volunteers [Margaret Thatcher one of them? Control group, lor... "You think that joke about my handbag is funny? Take that!!"] and found that the reward areas in the brain light up to a much greater degree when processing jokes than when processing speech. This reward response increased in line with how funny the participants found the joke.

A: Because they taste funny!

So, if that's what you thought was the answer, your brain can both process jokes that involve puns and those that do not. One of the British researchers, Dr Matt Davis, said: "Mapping how the brain processes jokes and sentences shows how language contributes to the pleasure of getting a joke.

"We can use this as a benchmark for understanding how people who cannot communicate normally react to jokes." With that last remark, Dr Davis and his team members were off to "find out if someone in a vegetative state can experience positive emotions [translation: laugh 'inside' even if he or she is in a deep coma. Proof? Pants got wet? I guess the team's funders have deep pockets.]

Here's another cannibal joke...
Q: What happened to the foreign editor after he introduced himself to the head of a tribe of cannibals?
A: He got an instant promotion: he became editor in chief.

And here's a non-cannibal poser:
If one member of a team of synchronised swimmers drowns, do they all drown?

Last one...
Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hands?
A: His undivided attention.

Which provides me with the excuse to show this mioTV ad:

One final note here. I've found that SingTel Digital Media's insing.com has interesting news articles. One of the two below, about the DBSS, makes one angry; the other -- about a computer gaming addict wanting to take "revenge" on his wife -- is worth a chuckle:

http://news.insing.com/tabloid/singaporeans-lose-while-dbss-project-developers-win-big/id-17ed3a00

http://news.insing.com/tabloid/man-to-post-wife-s-nude-photos-online/id-9bcc3a00

From credit card predators to smelly feet predatoes

There's so much news and other stuff that's worth highlighting everyday, both the serious and the offbeat. I'll divide today's posting into these two headings.

The serious

Credit card 'online' worries
Two ST Forum writers were recently unsettled by unauthorised attempted/approved online transactions involving their credit card numbers. In her letter on Monday ("Disturbed by credit card security breach," ST, 27 June, page A21), Ms Gan Siew Lian recounted how she had received in one day two text messages with the Verified by Visa One-Time Password (OTP). She alerted her bank, DBS, and told the customer service officer she had not made any online purchases.

She was assured that there were no records of purchases.

But two evenings later, she received another OTP text message. DBS then called and she insisted she had made no purchase. She then asked to have her DBS Visa card cancelled. She later called DBS again and found out that three unauthorised online transactions had been made during the week! She asked: How did DBS approve the purchases when the OTP should not have been known to the purchaser?

On Wednesday, Madam Khong Wai Fong related a similar [scarier, actually] experience ("Multiple fraudulent card transactions within minutes", ST Forum, 29 June, page A30).

She said that within the space of 16 minutes, she had received nine OTP messages in relation to her OCBC Visa credit card. Upon her call to the bank, she was advised to cancel her card at once, which she did. Eleven days later, the monthly statement she received showed not nine but 15 fradulent purchases totalling $4,470.79. She has since made a police report. She is also still waiting for the bank to refund the sum which she said had been deducted via Giro.

ST should have run a news story today about these unnerving episodes! It's a matter of public interest.

Realpolitik -- in the words of Nixon and Kissinger
Analysts are already debating the likely outcome of the US drawdown of its military forces from Afghanistan. Gideon Rose's article today ("Lessons from Vietnam for Afghanistan", ST, 29 June, page A29), trenchantly explains big power "cover their backsides" actions at the expense of buggered allies:

"In late 1969, faced with increasing domestic pressure to end the [Vietnam] war, Nixon and Dr Kissinger settled on a strategy to reduce the American role in ground combat while fending off a South Vietnamese collapse. They sought to walk away from the war, get American prisoners back and avoid formally betraying an ally -- something they believed would damage America's reputation. They recognised that their approach would leave the South Vietnamese vulnerable after the American withdrawal, but considered [it] an acceptable price to pay for getting out.

"They never said this last bit publicly, of course. But in private, they were more candid, as the White House tapes showed. During an August 1972 Oval Office chat, Nixon told Dr Kissinger:

'Let's be perfectly cold-blooded about it... I look at the tide of history out there. South Vietnam probably is never going to survive anyway... Can we have a viable foreign policy if, a year from now or two years from now, North Vietnam gobbles up South Vietnam?'

"Dr Kissinger replied that US policy could remain viable if Saigon's collapse 'looks as if it's the result of South Vietnamese incompetence. If we now sell out in such a way that, say, in a three- to four-month period, we have pushed President (Nguyen Van) Thieu over the brink... it will worry everybody... So we've got to find some formula that holds the thing together a year or two, after which... no one will give a damn.' "

Wen Jiabao -- is he a spin-doctor after all?
In my posting yesterday, the Chinese social critic Yu Hua made this remark: "In China, we can't curse our premier but we're free to curse the guy next door." Was his singling out Prime Minister Wen Jiabao intentional, considering that the Chinese premier has a public image of caring for the common people?

A Reuters article in today's ST muddies the water. Headlined "Wen Jiabao: 'Screen idol' or prophet of change?" (ST, 29 June, page A23) it noted that, on one hand, as Wen prepares to retire, his call for political reform, made many times in recent years, seems to have grown more forthright.

But for sceptics, his "hazy" words are a pre-retirement vanity project, burnishing his own reputation without venturing to achieve real change.

"This was screen idol Wen staging a performance in London [where he has been visiting]," said Mr Chen Yongmiao, a Beijing-based lawyer and online commentator.

But Mr Qiu Feng, another Beijing-based lawyer and commentator, said: "I think he [Wen] should be applauded. The Chinese political scene is very delicate right now. Different people want to take China in different directions, and Wen is the one (leader) who points in the direction I think we should take."

The offbeat

Toe-wrestling? You're pulling my leg!
ST ("Toe to toe action", 29 June, page A27) has this story from British newspaper The Daily Telegraph about hundreds of competitors headed to Derbyshire for the 35th annual Toe Wrestling Championship this week. The sport was invented in a Derbyshire pub in 1976.

As described, toe wrestling is similar to arm-wrestling [really??]. Contestants begin by locking right toes, then left, then right again. To admit defeat (de-feet?), a contestant has to call out, "Toe much!"

This year saw an epic battle between arch rivals "Predatoe" (Paul Beech) and "Nasty Nash" (Alan Nash). Beech won. Defending champ Lisa "Twinkle Toes" Shenton won the women's title. No small feat for these two winners, I'm sure. The contests were held in a custom-built arena called the "toedium". But of course. Here's a pic:

 

The May 35th incident in China, or how to scale the Great Firewall of China

Yu Hua is an acclaimed contemporary Chinese writer and social critic. He recently wrote a marvellous article, "The spirit of May 35", which was translated into English and published in the New York Times. It has now appeared in Today (28 June). Here's the link to the article:

http://www.todayonline.com/Commentary/EDC110628-0000217/The-spirit-of-May-35

Some excerpts:

Why the term "May 35"
You might think May 35th is an imaginary date but in China, it is a real one. Here, where references to June 4th -- the date of the Tiananmen incident of 1989 -- are banned from the Internet, people use "May 35th" to circumvent censorship and commemorate the events of that day.

'Is there freedom of expression in China?'
Practically everyone has mastered the art of May 35th expression, and I myself am no slouch. I've had a go at broaching freedom-of-expression issues. I once posted an article referring to a talk I gave in Munich.

The post said: "I was asked: 'Is there freedom of expression in China?' 'Of course there is,' I replied. 'In any country,' I went on, 'freedom of expression is relative. In Germany, you can curse the chancellor but you wouldn't dare curse your neighbour. In China, we can't curse our premier but we're free to curse the guy next door."

Why it's OK to say you won't find many germs on Chinese leaders' fingers
On the concentration of power in China, I wrote: "In Taiwan I told a reporter, 'You need to wear gloves when you shake hands with politicians here, because they are always out canvassing and shaking hands with people. You don't need gloves on the mainland, because our politicians never have to press the flesh. You won't find many germs on their fingers."

Since the first remark seems to emphasise that everything is relative and the other appears to focus on matters of hygiene, both were posted on the Internet without incident. My readers know what I'm getting at.

I have always written as much as I please in the May 35th mode, and for that I have the fictional form to thank, since fiction is not overtly political and by its nature lends itself to May 35th turns of phrase.

EP, phone home

My disabled brother needed a new cellphone;  his present one, a Nokia, was getting wonky. He needs just a basic feature phone, no frills... it is essentially an emergency phone (EP).

I saw this "one-day special"ad in the papers: "Mobile phone $29 (Usual price $60). Limited to 100 sets only." Hmm, first come first served, I guessed. The store opened at 11am.

I got there at 11am. There was already a crowd. The mobile phone special was not the star deal, and the  crowd-catchers were items like the 32" HD LED TVs going for $448 (UP: $1,099; limited to 50 sets).

But I had a chance, because selection was by balloting and the ballot boxes were not closed yet. I filled in my details on the ballot slip for the EP. No more entries were allowed at 11.15.

The emcee was quite noisy but entertaining, like at a getai (road show, typically during the Chinese Hungry Ghost festival). He liberally used Hokkien words like "Huat, ah!" (very lucky) when winners came forward. One winner with part of his name Heng was told, "Wah, you very heng today" (roughly translated, heng also means lucky or fortunate).

The balloting process itself was transparent and open for all to see in the crowded storefront. There were several boxes, for the various items from the 32" TV to the mobile phone (the cheapest item). But all items were "oversubscribed".

Every paper slip was checked to ensure that the ballot box was not "stuffed" ie no one was allowed to slip in more than one entry (of course there were; but the store graciously allowed one of the "spoilt votes" to be counted in). Then, all the valid slips were put in the box again and the requisite numbers drawn, eg. 50 for the 32" TV. Later, if a called name did not appear, the emcee would declare "Going, going, gone!" and that person -- who might have gone to the loo to have a leak -- forfeited his or her chance.

All winners had to produce their ICs for verification! Hey, that's good; in my case, I was balloting for an EP. Don't pray, pray, system has to be squeaky clean, man.

But it all took a long time, and knowing the EP balloting was last, I wandered around the mall. I got back to the "counting centre" in time... a little past noon. I got the EP for my bro. I was number 24. The next queue was at the cashier's. When I finally collected the $29 phone, it was 12.30pm... time for lunch.

So, that was how I spent this morning. When I got home, I found -- from another ad -- that I could buy a Samsung no-frills cellphone for $38 (it comes bundled with a $8 prepaid SIM card) from a different store in a different location. No need to ballot for this one!

But, then, if I had known about it and bought this other phone, I would never have realised that there were so many people -- some in long-sleeves and tie, some in military or school uniform -- willing to spend an entire working weekday morning going to "vote" -- with their wallet.

Hair today, gone tomorrow... Brylcreem today, none tomorrow

At a press conference that Dr Tony Tan held last Thursday, someone said this about his trademark sleek combed-back hair: "Wah, he must use a lot of Brylcreem!"

Hmm, I always thought he used Tancho. Since no one has put that question to TT, we won't know which.

But it reminded me that when I had much, much more hair -- and jet black, but of course -- I did use Brylcreem (both the red and green container ones, though I now can't recall what was the difference) and I did try the Tancho gel, although I did not like it.

Brylcreem, like so many Baby Boomer-familiar household products that began life in bygone years, was first produced in 1928! There's even a 1998 movie called "The Brylcreem Boys", about British and German pilots interned in neutral Ireland during World War II. Why the title? Brylcreem was THE haircream of choice for dashing RAF pilots then.

Which probably helps explain this old Brylcreem TV jingle, which I found in Wikipedia:

Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya,
Use more, only if you dare,
But watch out,
The gals will all pursue ya --
They'll love to put their fingers through your hair.

Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya,
Brylcreem, you'll look so debonair
Brylcreem, the girls will all pursue ya,
They'll love to run their fingers through your hair.

------------------------------------

What can I say about the lyrics above? Hey, I want my money back!

And here's an old Brylcreem ad (also found in Wikipedia... Note the phone: it "(b)rings" back memories too!):

Walk, trot, canter and gallop... the race has begun

I had a long tiring day at work tonight, but I'll stay up to do this piece on the Elected Presidency issue.

Dr Tony Tan has now cast his hat into the ring (on Thursday, after his return from an overseas trip). How has he distinguished himself from the other candidates? Perhaps I should use the device of the cast of characters in a play (dramatis personae):

Dr Tan (aka TT), the PhD man: He is obviously the ruling party's preferred candidate, as well as the elite's. But credibility is the name of the game, and he -- alone among the candidates -- has made several decisions which I am sure were not done lightly. He has not only resigned from his party, he has given up key appointments; it would be as good as impossible to return to these positions should he fail to secure the EP.

He says his strongest suit is his deep knowledge of how the reserves are managed, and that will be important in his custodial role. But why should such expertise be important? If that is the case, should not there be an elected president but an appointed one?

And why is it important that he be seen as an "independent" candidate? He says challenging times lie ahead for the EP of the day in the next few years. But I don't see a change of government in that time, or for that matter, for a long, long, time. Bottom line: I don't get any clarity from or about him yet.

But I accept that he is a serious candidate, the front runner in the race, the mainstream media say.

Dr Tan (TCB), the medicine man: He has built up a reputation as a forthright man, popular with the ordinary folk. His oratorical skills are very good, so I expect him to leverage on that in the "electioning" ahead. He has the best credibility to claim the mantle of a "people's president". He too resigned from the ruling party. But netizens will be looking into, or have already started looking into, his past record as an establishment man. Even bets on him.

Mr Tan (TKL), the Speaker's Corner (Hong Lim Park) man: He is a colourful personality, and if he gets into the Istana, I am sure he will not be a dour president. But, again, netizens will want to know more about his past, especially since he too was a member of the ruling party. So, is he the wild card in the race?

Well, it looks like we have the name of the next president already. His name is... TAN.

Oh, there is one last person... the incumbent (SRN). It seems strange that he -- having served two terms -- has not made it clear yet that he will not be contesting. I don't think even the ruling party wants to see the precedence of an elected president who has served three (or more???) terms. So, is he the dark horse in the race?

The stranger and the monkey

I just love good "walks into a bar" jokes. Here's one:

A stranger walks into a bar in a small town just as the piano player, wearing dark glasses (but of course)  has finished playing a tune. The musician's monkey goes around the tables collecting tips in a cup.

But the stranger ignores the monkey when it comes to his table. The creature then squats over the stranger's martini, dips its testicles into the drink and scampers back to its owner. Irate, the stranger goes over to the man and screams, "Do you know your monkey just put his balls into my martini?"

The ivory picker coolly replies: "No, bro, but hum a few bars and I can probably pick it up."

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This is the month of June, and April Fool's Day has long come and gone. But look carefully at the movie screening dates for this National Museum of Singapore ad below for its "Under the Banyan Tree Open Air Cinema" series which appeared in TODAY on Wednesday (22 June):

Below is the correct ad, in that newspaper edition today (24 June), showing the correct dates for two different movies -- one scheduled for today and the other for tomorrow (Saturday).

Postscript: I forgot to mark yesterday... it was my 222nd posting!