Yesterday, I pointed out some easily noticed (and hence unforgiveable) grammatical errors in the xinmsn website. To recap, "stuffs" was used instead of "stuff" and "lost" was used instead of "loss". And February surely cannot be the gadget of the month!
I cited these examples because they were on a "prime-spot" web page -- the first one you see when you go to http://xin.msn.com/
The Straits Times today (7 Feb) also had a blooper on its page one highlights of inside stories. The summary headlined "Home office units get hot" said: "More people are keen on buying residential units that can double up as home offices."
The correct expression should be "double", that is, "More people are keen on buying residential units that can double as home offices."
This is a common error among Singaporeans and, I suspect, people in many other places too. You "double up" in pain or mirth, as when, for example, you have a mother of all stomach aches, were kicked in your most vulnerable area (if you are a man) or couldn't stop laughing after reading the daft definitions below.
Two other common errors are "It's late, I have to put my child to sleep" instead of, say, "It's late, I have to get my child to go to bed" and "Mary loved to walk the streets in each new city she arrived at" instead of "Mary loved to walk along the streets in each new city she arrived at".
In an earlier posting, I had also pointed out some other common errors such as "off day" for "day off". I may compile a refreshed list in a future posting. For now, here's some "stuff" to, hopefully, induce doubling up:
The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're
in the bathroom.
A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the
impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription
for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
condemned building.
My neighbour was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how
he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him
rabies can be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said,
"Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never
point the wrong way.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
The early bird still has to eat worms.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to
tell the difference.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's
what she said.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labour.
Postscript: This is my 100th posting! Yeah!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Short takes
Just a few random items here today.
First, a follow-up on yesterday. A word used was "oenophile". I checked it up, and it means someone who appreciates wine. The origin is Greek: oinos (wine) and philia (love).
An alternative (American) spelling is enophile. Unfortunately. the Yanks do not seem to be aware that the Anglos have a legendary product, Eno, also widely used in Singapore. This is an antacid, a bicarbonate powder that when added to water gives a fizzy liquid to ease a bloated stomach (from overeating), as is possible during this lunar new year's festive bingeing. So, is an enophile a wine lover or someone who just can't stop drinking Eno? The idea of the latter gives one (notice the spelling inversion vis-a-vis Eno?) the yucks!
Apparently, there are also related word formations, such as oenophobia, oenomania, oenologist and oenomancy. Check them out, as well as Wikipedia's take on the year (1977) the word "oenophilia" came into popular usage in the US.
My next set of random musings is my "random" look at the xinmsn website. Here's a sampling from today's highlights page:
10 ways to spend your hongbao money -- Our pick of the best stuffs to spend your money on.
Manchester United suffer first lost to bottom-dwelling Wolves.
Gadgets of the month -- February.
My last random thought is my Quote of the Day:
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
First, a follow-up on yesterday. A word used was "oenophile". I checked it up, and it means someone who appreciates wine. The origin is Greek: oinos (wine) and philia (love).
An alternative (American) spelling is enophile. Unfortunately. the Yanks do not seem to be aware that the Anglos have a legendary product, Eno, also widely used in Singapore. This is an antacid, a bicarbonate powder that when added to water gives a fizzy liquid to ease a bloated stomach (from overeating), as is possible during this lunar new year's festive bingeing. So, is an enophile a wine lover or someone who just can't stop drinking Eno? The idea of the latter gives one (notice the spelling inversion vis-a-vis Eno?) the yucks!
Apparently, there are also related word formations, such as oenophobia, oenomania, oenologist and oenomancy. Check them out, as well as Wikipedia's take on the year (1977) the word "oenophilia" came into popular usage in the US.
My next set of random musings is my "random" look at the xinmsn website. Here's a sampling from today's highlights page:
10 ways to spend your hongbao money -- Our pick of the best stuffs to spend your money on.
Manchester United suffer first lost to bottom-dwelling Wolves.
Gadgets of the month -- February.
My last random thought is my Quote of the Day:
Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Grape expectations
I'm glad the Today newspaper now includes in its weekend edition a pullout section with some of the week's New York Times articles.
One such article, by Nicholas Wade, this week (5 Feb) especially caught my eye, from the catchy headline to the tantalising intro and on to the rest of the story.
"Headline: For sex-starved grapes, an incestuous family tree
Intro: For the last 8,000 years, the wine grape has had very little sex. This unnatural abstinence threatens to sap the grape's genetic health and the future pleasure of millions of oenophiles."
Intrigued?
The article goes on to to say that Dr Sean Myles, a geneticist at Cornell
University in Ithaca, New York, had developed a gene chip that tests for the genetic variation
commonly found in wine grapes. He then found that 75 per cent of the varieties he scanned were as
closely related as parent and child or brother and sister.
“Thus merlot is intimately related to cabernet franc, which is a parent
of cabernet sauvignon, whose other parent is sauvignon blanc, the
daughter of traminer, which is also a progenitor of pinot noir, a parent of
chardonnay," the NYT article said.
Wine grape, then, had undergone very little breeding outside a tight-knit circle since it
was first domesticated.
In-breeding in grapes has the same result as that for humans -- the lack of diversity can have negative effects, such as a weakened resistance to disease.
So, for people like me who enjoy wine, the implied advice seems to be: don't be monogamous and stick with my favourite pinot noir. Go for the other varietals as well, and indulge in wines from the Old World, the New World, from anywhere -- even North Korea, if it produces drinkable, non-nuclear-enriched wine! This will encourage wine growers everywhere to experiment and thus try and stop the in-breeding among grapes.
I'll drink to that (in moderation, of course)!
One such article, by Nicholas Wade, this week (5 Feb) especially caught my eye, from the catchy headline to the tantalising intro and on to the rest of the story.
"Headline: For sex-starved grapes, an incestuous family tree
Intro: For the last 8,000 years, the wine grape has had very little sex. This unnatural abstinence threatens to sap the grape's genetic health and the future pleasure of millions of oenophiles."
Intrigued?
The article goes on to to say that Dr Sean Myles, a geneticist at Cornell
University in Ithaca, New York, had developed a gene chip that tests for the genetic variation
commonly found in wine grapes. He then found that 75 per cent of the varieties he scanned were as
closely related as parent and child or brother and sister.
“Thus merlot is intimately related to cabernet franc, which is a parent
of cabernet sauvignon, whose other parent is sauvignon blanc, the
daughter of traminer, which is also a progenitor of pinot noir, a parent of
chardonnay," the NYT article said.
Wine grape, then, had undergone very little breeding outside a tight-knit circle since it
was first domesticated.
In-breeding in grapes has the same result as that for humans -- the lack of diversity can have negative effects, such as a weakened resistance to disease.
So, for people like me who enjoy wine, the implied advice seems to be: don't be monogamous and stick with my favourite pinot noir. Go for the other varietals as well, and indulge in wines from the Old World, the New World, from anywhere -- even North Korea, if it produces drinkable, non-nuclear-enriched wine! This will encourage wine growers everywhere to experiment and thus try and stop the in-breeding among grapes.
I'll drink to that (in moderation, of course)!
Friday, February 4, 2011
A 'Nigerian scam' letter
Going through my email, I found I actually received a "Nigerian scam" letter (an email address was attached):
From: Mrs Mariam A***** [last name deleted, just in case there is such a name!]
Gidado Road,
Kano-Nigeria
I am Mrs. Mariam A*****, the widow of
the late Gen. Sani A*****, former military
Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of cardiac
arrest. Since my husband's death, my family has been under
restriction of movement and that notwithstanding, we are being
molested and constantly under watch by the seemingly agent, above
all, our banks account here and abroad have been frozen by the
Nigerian civilian government. Furthermore, my eldest son is in
detention by the Nigerian Government for more interrogation about
my husband's asset and some vital documents.
Following the recent discovery of my husband's bank account by
the Nigerian government with my son's bank in which a huge sum of
US$700 million and 450 million Dutch Mark was lodged and 6
billion dollars belonging to my late husband was seized by the
government of Nigeria.
I therefore wish to personally appeal to
you seriously for your urgent assistance to
transfer the sum of $25.5 million United States Dollars into your
account in your country which has already been lodged in a Global
crossing Diplomatic security in abroad by my Late Husband and I
have a prove of the Certificate of Deposit with the telephone and fax
number of the security company in abroad, the name of the head of
operation including the telephone and fax number of the agency
whom help in packaging the consignment. since we can not leave
the country due to the restriction of movement imposed on the
members of my family by the Nigerian Government and my
International pass port impounded at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport,
Lagos in August and presently the consignment is incurring
more demurrage and if the government discovered they might seize
the fund (consignment) that was the reason I was advise by our
Family lawyer for the safety of the fund, to look for an honest
and reliable foreigner who is willing to be of assistant to
enable the fund to be transfer to his account while you are
entitled to 25% of the fund while 5% is for any expenses which
might include your phone calls , stationary which must be
deducted before sharing.
Also, if you accept this proposal, I shall give you the telephone
and fax number of the security company in abroad (Holland) which
also has a branch in Dubai. This is where the consignment is
lodge including agency for verification and you shall as well
forward your data including your telephone and fax number to our
Family Lawyer who shall help in the legal documentation to make
you the legal owner of the fund by a prove of an affidavit from
the Federal High Court for a change of fund ownership by me which
my lawyer shall forward with an application to the Court to
enable the court to issue an legal clearance certificate as a
prove that the fund is no longer belong to A***** family but you
as the new beneficiary which will now empowered the Security
company to release the consignment (fund) to you.
Please I will appreciate your quick response weather you accept
this proposal or not to enable me to know the next step of action
and please you can as well use your name or your company name as
the beneficiary of the fund (consignment).
Yours Sincerely
Mrs Mariam A*****
From: Mrs Mariam A***** [last name deleted, just in case there is such a name!]
Gidado Road,
Kano-Nigeria
I am Mrs. Mariam A*****, the widow of
the late Gen. Sani A*****, former military
Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of cardiac
arrest. Since my husband's death, my family has been under
restriction of movement and that notwithstanding, we are being
molested and constantly under watch by the seemingly agent, above
all, our banks account here and abroad have been frozen by the
Nigerian civilian government. Furthermore, my eldest son is in
detention by the Nigerian Government for more interrogation about
my husband's asset and some vital documents.
Following the recent discovery of my husband's bank account by
the Nigerian government with my son's bank in which a huge sum of
US$700 million and 450 million Dutch Mark was lodged and 6
billion dollars belonging to my late husband was seized by the
government of Nigeria.
I therefore wish to personally appeal to
you seriously for your urgent assistance to
transfer the sum of $25.5 million United States Dollars into your
account in your country which has already been lodged in a Global
crossing Diplomatic security in abroad by my Late Husband and I
have a prove of the Certificate of Deposit with the telephone and fax
number of the security company in abroad, the name of the head of
operation including the telephone and fax number of the agency
whom help in packaging the consignment. since we can not leave
the country due to the restriction of movement imposed on the
members of my family by the Nigerian Government and my
International pass port impounded at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport,
Lagos in August and presently the consignment is incurring
more demurrage and if the government discovered they might seize
the fund (consignment) that was the reason I was advise by our
Family lawyer for the safety of the fund, to look for an honest
and reliable foreigner who is willing to be of assistant to
enable the fund to be transfer to his account while you are
entitled to 25% of the fund while 5% is for any expenses which
might include your phone calls , stationary which must be
deducted before sharing.
Also, if you accept this proposal, I shall give you the telephone
and fax number of the security company in abroad (Holland) which
also has a branch in Dubai. This is where the consignment is
lodge including agency for verification and you shall as well
forward your data including your telephone and fax number to our
Family Lawyer who shall help in the legal documentation to make
you the legal owner of the fund by a prove of an affidavit from
the Federal High Court for a change of fund ownership by me which
my lawyer shall forward with an application to the Court to
enable the court to issue an legal clearance certificate as a
prove that the fund is no longer belong to A***** family but you
as the new beneficiary which will now empowered the Security
company to release the consignment (fund) to you.
Please I will appreciate your quick response weather you accept
this proposal or not to enable me to know the next step of action
and please you can as well use your name or your company name as
the beneficiary of the fund (consignment).
Yours Sincerely
Mrs Mariam A*****
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Here's the answer...
The answer to yesterday's "fun with words" quiz is below. But I'm inserting some trivia "buffer" first so the quiz answers are not immediately at the top of this posting. You can still try to work out the quiz before looking for the answers.
I recently went on a cruise and on the journey's last night, during the showtime finale, the cruise director claimed a number of passengers had asked him the questions below. A quick check on the Internet showed that such lists (with variations) were a typical routine on many cruises. So here they are:
1) Does our ship's crew sleep on board?
2) Is the resort island we've just arrived at completely surrounded by water?
3) How does the captain know where to go?
4) When the captain is sleeping, who is steering the ship?
5) Does the ship generate its own electricity?
6) What time is the midnight buffet?
7) What do they do with the ice sculptures after it melts?
8) How many fjords to the dollar?
9) What time is the two o'clock tour?
10) How do we know which of the displayed photographs (taken by the ship's photographers) are ours?
11) I am married, but can I still come to the singles party?
12) Do I put my luggage out before or after I go to sleep?
13) Is an outside cabin outside of the ship?
14) Does the ship have cable TV?
Okay, go ahead, groan. Now for the answers to the quiz:
1. Stop, look, and listen
2. Win, place, and show
3. First, second, and third
4. Beg, borrow, and steal
5. Tall, dark, and handsome
6. Small, medium, and large
7. Snap, crackle, and pop
8. Blood, sweat, and tears
9. Shake, rattle, and roll
10. Knife, fork, and spoon
11. Ear, nose, and throat
12. Wine, women, and song
13. Game, set, and match
14. Red, white, and blue
15. Chap Gor Mei
I recently went on a cruise and on the journey's last night, during the showtime finale, the cruise director claimed a number of passengers had asked him the questions below. A quick check on the Internet showed that such lists (with variations) were a typical routine on many cruises. So here they are:
1) Does our ship's crew sleep on board?
2) Is the resort island we've just arrived at completely surrounded by water?
3) How does the captain know where to go?
4) When the captain is sleeping, who is steering the ship?
5) Does the ship generate its own electricity?
6) What time is the midnight buffet?
7) What do they do with the ice sculptures after it melts?
8) How many fjords to the dollar?
9) What time is the two o'clock tour?
10) How do we know which of the displayed photographs (taken by the ship's photographers) are ours?
11) I am married, but can I still come to the singles party?
12) Do I put my luggage out before or after I go to sleep?
13) Is an outside cabin outside of the ship?
14) Does the ship have cable TV?
Okay, go ahead, groan. Now for the answers to the quiz:
1. Stop, look, and listen
2. Win, place, and show
3. First, second, and third
4. Beg, borrow, and steal
5. Tall, dark, and handsome
6. Small, medium, and large
7. Snap, crackle, and pop
8. Blood, sweat, and tears
9. Shake, rattle, and roll
10. Knife, fork, and spoon
11. Ear, nose, and throat
12. Wine, women, and song
13. Game, set, and match
14. Red, white, and blue
15. Chap Gor Mei
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Fun with words
Here's a "fun with words" quiz which I think came from Reader's Digest. The answers are actually familiar (mostly) terms such as "hook, line and sinker" in the example below. Answers tomorrow!
sample: took, sign, and blinker
answer: hook, line, and sinker
1. flop, crook, and glisten
2. pin, brace, and though
3. versed, beckoned, and heard
4. leg, sorrow, and wheel
5. bawl, park, and ransom
6. sprawl, tedium, and barge
7. trap, shackle, and top
8. mud, fret, and beers
9. break, cattle, and foal
10. wife, pork, and croon
11. sheer, rose, and float
12. fine, swimmin', and wrong
13. lame, debt, and scratch
14. head, fright, and chew
15. rub, raw, ray (hint for this one: I threw this in as my contribution to the list... it is in Hokkien, and has to do with the Chinese NewYear festive season, which starts tomorrow).
sample: took, sign, and blinker
answer: hook, line, and sinker
1. flop, crook, and glisten
2. pin, brace, and though
3. versed, beckoned, and heard
4. leg, sorrow, and wheel
5. bawl, park, and ransom
6. sprawl, tedium, and barge
7. trap, shackle, and top
8. mud, fret, and beers
9. break, cattle, and foal
10. wife, pork, and croon
11. sheer, rose, and float
12. fine, swimmin', and wrong
13. lame, debt, and scratch
14. head, fright, and chew
15. rub, raw, ray (hint for this one: I threw this in as my contribution to the list... it is in Hokkien, and has to do with the Chinese NewYear festive season, which starts tomorrow).
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A tribute to Ogden Nash
My sense of humour has likely been partly shaped by the wacky nonsense verses and aphorisms of the American humorist and poet Ogden Nash (1902-1971). My two girls (one turned 33 today, the other will be 30 in May) have not been spared, for better or for verse.
One early "indoctrination", when the girls were little, was this Nashian creation:
The one-l lama is a priest
The two-ll llama is a beast
I bet you a silk pyjama
There isn't any three-l lllama.
Here are another two examples, but I don't think I had told my children about them:
I think I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all!
Candy
is dandy
But liquor
is quicker
If you are intrigued by what other clever stuff Nash dreamt up, just Google his name. You might as well check out Edward Lear too. He's famous for "The Owl and the Pussycat" and other nonsense poems and stories.
Back to Nash. Here are some of his well-known aphorisms:
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
I have also taken liberties with some favouirite children's stories, for example:
Ali Baba and the four tea thieves
Jack and the beans talk
Finally, this family has mangled songs. Given that I am also guilty of teaching my kids the meaning of the word "scatology" when they were young, the "decomposition" of the chorus of an old song below (their grandma actually helped on this one) is self-explanatory if you know the Malay words inserted.
One early "indoctrination", when the girls were little, was this Nashian creation:
The one-l lama is a priest
The two-ll llama is a beast
I bet you a silk pyjama
There isn't any three-l lllama.
Here are another two examples, but I don't think I had told my children about them:
I think I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all!
Candy
is dandy
But liquor
is quicker
If you are intrigued by what other clever stuff Nash dreamt up, just Google his name. You might as well check out Edward Lear too. He's famous for "The Owl and the Pussycat" and other nonsense poems and stories.
Back to Nash. Here are some of his well-known aphorisms:
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
I have also taken liberties with some favouirite children's stories, for example:
Ali Baba and the four tea thieves
Jack and the beans talk
Finally, this family has mangled songs. Given that I am also guilty of teaching my kids the meaning of the word "scatology" when they were young, the "decomposition" of the chorus of an old song below (their grandma actually helped on this one) is self-explanatory if you know the Malay words inserted.
- By the light, of the silvery moon,
- Kenching, kentut, berak, chaybok
- I want to spoon,
- To my honey I'll croon love's tune.
- Kenching, kentut, berak, chaybok
- Honey moon, keep a-shinin' in June.
- Kenching, kentut, berak, chaybok
- Your silv'ry beams will bring love's dreams,
- We'll be cuddlin' soon,
- Kenching, kentut, berak, chaybok
- By the silvery moon.
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