Daft definitions

Yesterday, I pointed out some easily noticed (and hence unforgiveable) grammatical errors in the xinmsn website. To recap, "stuffs" was used instead of "stuff" and "lost" was used instead of "loss". And February surely cannot be the gadget of the month!

I cited these examples because they were on a "prime-spot" web page -- the first one you see when you go to http://xin.msn.com/

The Straits Times today (7 Feb) also had a blooper on its page one highlights of inside stories. The summary headlined "Home office units get hot" said: "More people are keen on buying residential units that can double up as home offices."

The correct expression should be "double", that is, "More people are keen on buying residential units that can double as home offices."

This is a common error among Singaporeans and, I suspect, people in many other places too. You "double up" in pain or mirth, as when, for example, you have a mother of all stomach aches, were kicked in your most vulnerable area (if you are a man) or couldn't stop laughing after reading the daft definitions below.

Two other common errors are "It's late, I have to put my child to sleep" instead of, say, "It's late, I have to get my child to go to bed" and "Mary loved to walk the streets in each new city she arrived at" instead of "Mary loved to walk along the streets in each new city she arrived at".

In an earlier posting, I had also pointed out some other common errors such as "off day" for "day off". I may compile a refreshed list in a future posting. For now, here's some "stuff" to, hopefully, induce doubling up:

The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only
 expects you to kiss his ring.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're
 in the bathroom.

A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the
 impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription
 for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
 condemned building.

My neighbour was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how
 he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I   told him
rabies can be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said,
"Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"

Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never
 point the wrong way.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

The early bird still has to eat worms.

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to
 tell the difference.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's
what she said.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
 started with something called labour.

Postscript: This is my 100th posting! Yeah!