In yesterday's posting, I used the word "suitability". It triggered a memory recall -- to the time when I had to submit a "suitability certificate", along with every other applicant, to enrol in the then University of Singapore.
The year was 1972. The tumultuous days of pro-communist student activism were long gone. But a suitability certificate was still deemed a requirement. I can't even remember what was required to be declared, or for that matter, who would declare anything to incriminate himself or herself. It's like the form a tourist fills in when entering the United States. One question goes something like this: "Have you ever engaged in terrorist activities?" Duh.
But, to be fair, all ***holes who create the pesky forms you and I have to fill are the same everywhere. They want to know EVERYTHING. They even require you to fill in the box "Sex" (why do they need to know how many times? Isn't that what they want to know for that box?)
In 1990, I had successfully secured a scholarship from a renowned American foundation to pursue a Master's degree at the Australian National University. My application to the ANU was successful too.
Then came a form with a demand -- that I needed to produce proof I could speak and write English! I had already become a mid-management journalist by then, with not a few published commentaries on the uses and abuses of the English language. I submitted one of them -- together with a commentary of mine on regional politics. After that, no further queries about my language proficiency followed.
But coming back to certificates, these define certain moments in our lives -- from birth to death (I will include documents like the driving licence).
Birth Certificate
Immunisation Certificate (proof that you had those jabs as a baby)
Kindergarten Graduation Certificate (baby boomers like me never went to such centres... did I miss anything?)
Primary School Leaving Cerificate
Secondary school leaving certificate... in my time, it was the Senior Cambridge School Certificate (now the O Levels)
Higher School Certificate (now the A Levels)
All these, just to reach the age when the guys have to serve their country while also chasing the girls . Of course, not all of the youth will do the HSC/A Levels. There are the vocational institute certificates, polytechnic certificates, etc. The middle class kids will have acquired pieces of paper for music, horse-riding, you name it, etc.
Most of the guys have one more certificate "hurdle" to clear -- the ROD certificate, issued to show proof one has done his NS stint -- before entering the workforce or university. ROD is "run out date" (there is probably a bureaucratic reason for this odd term but it is apt: when we get our ROD certs, we can't wait to run out of the army camp gates). I think there is now a new term, ORD (Operationally Ready Date). Not so funny now, huh?
There was, in my time, the Suitabiilty Certificate (as mentioned above).
It gets more complicated after this, and I'll just stick with the initials if they are the familiar ones.
BA, BA (Hons), BSc, BSc (Hons), MBBS. etc
MA, MA (Hons), MSc, MSc (Hons), etc
DipEd, etc
PhD, etc
(whew!)
Medical Certificate -- this one you will collect more than a handful in your lifetime. "Don't leave the office without it," if you need to go home on a workday (for whatever reason).
Driving licence.
COE certificate -- this one is uniquely Singaporean... to buy a car. Along with it come the ARF and PARF.
Marriage Certificate. After this, with the babies coming along, it starts all over again... birth certificate, etc.
The final piece of paper? The Death Certificate, and the end of the "paper chase". Amen.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Religious humour
I'm into "religious" humour today. The anecdotes here were collected over the years. My apologies if anyone is offended :-)
1. A Protestant, a Catholic, and a Jew were debating over the giving of tithes.
They decided they would use a fistful of coins to represent their tithing approach. The Protestant began. "I would draw a line a few feet away, and throw the coins towards it. Whatever coins land outside the line, they belong to God."
The Catholic said, "I would draw a circle around me, and throw the coins into the air. Any that land outside the circle belong to God."
The Jew said, "Why draw lines or circles? But I too would throw the coins into the air. Any that stay up belong to God."
2. A rabbi and a minister were seated next to each other on a plane. The comely stewardess approached and asked, "Would you gentlemen care for a drink?"
Without hesitation, the rabbi said, "Sure, I'll have a whisky on the rocks."
The minister was taken aback and proclaimed: "I would as soon commit adultery than to have a strong drink!"
To which the rabbi responded, again without hesitation: "Oh, there's a choice? In that case, I'm having what he's having."
3. A priest and a taxi driver ended up at the Pearly Gates. St Peter looked at his list and readily motioned the taxi driver through but furrowed his brow when it came to the priest. Worried, the latter said, "Why did that taxi driver get in so easily and you are still checking your list for me?"
St Peter said: "Ah, compared to you when you were in the pulpit, he has scared the hell out of so many more people when he was at the wheel!"
4. After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Superlimo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curbside.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 97 mph (Remember, the Pope is German.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal on the floor until they hear a police siren.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my licence and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"'I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going at 97 mph.
"'So charge him," says the Chief.
"'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who do you have there, the mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"'Well," said the Chief, "who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is now angry. "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "His chauffeur is the Pope!"
5. Ali was excited as he rode his motorcyle to the airport. He was going to the haj! He found a secluded spot he thought would safe to leave his bike till he got back. Then he got on his flight.
But, on his return, the motorcycle had been stolen. Now he is known as "Haji no moto." [A note of explanation about this old and politically incorrect joke. A Muslim who returns from the pilgrimage to Mecca, or the haj, gets the honorific "haji". There is a brand of food seasoning called Ajinomoto.]
6. A religious order known for its strict adherence to the celibacy vow [remember my earlier anecdote on celibate vs celebrate?], decided to recruit new novices. Three young men turned up.
The chief monk got a belly dancer to test their suitability [that's a trigger word!... for me to blog another time on the infamous "suitability certificate" Singapore university applicants had to submit once upon a time, but I digress here...].
He also tied a little bell to the willy of each of the boys, who were called up one at a time.
When the first applicant came into the room, the dancer, cleavage and all, hip shaking sensuously too, approached him. In seconds, "tink, tink, tink" was heard.
"My son", admonished the monk, "go take a cold shower."
The second applicant stood out longer (pun intended). The dancer had to swirl around him before the sound of the bell was heard.
"Take a cold shower," the monk told him.
The third applicant was impassive no matter how hard the dancer swayed provocatively and as good as embraced him seductively.
After the monk sent her away, he praised the young man. "Well done, you are ready to join our order. It has been a long day and if you wish, you can join your brethren in the shower room."
At which point, "tink, tink, tink" could be heard.
7. The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their
enemies.
About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his
question.
This time he received a response of eighty percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his
question.
With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in
the rear.
"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Eighty-six."
"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be 86 and not have an enemy in the world."
The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It's easy. I outlived all of them."
1. A Protestant, a Catholic, and a Jew were debating over the giving of tithes.
They decided they would use a fistful of coins to represent their tithing approach. The Protestant began. "I would draw a line a few feet away, and throw the coins towards it. Whatever coins land outside the line, they belong to God."
The Catholic said, "I would draw a circle around me, and throw the coins into the air. Any that land outside the circle belong to God."
The Jew said, "Why draw lines or circles? But I too would throw the coins into the air. Any that stay up belong to God."
2. A rabbi and a minister were seated next to each other on a plane. The comely stewardess approached and asked, "Would you gentlemen care for a drink?"
Without hesitation, the rabbi said, "Sure, I'll have a whisky on the rocks."
The minister was taken aback and proclaimed: "I would as soon commit adultery than to have a strong drink!"
To which the rabbi responded, again without hesitation: "Oh, there's a choice? In that case, I'm having what he's having."
3. A priest and a taxi driver ended up at the Pearly Gates. St Peter looked at his list and readily motioned the taxi driver through but furrowed his brow when it came to the priest. Worried, the latter said, "Why did that taxi driver get in so easily and you are still checking your list for me?"
St Peter said: "Ah, compared to you when you were in the pulpit, he has scared the hell out of so many more people when he was at the wheel!"
4. After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Superlimo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curbside.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"Who's going to tell?" says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 97 mph (Remember, the Pope is German.)
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal on the floor until they hear a police siren.
"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my licence and my job!" moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"'I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going at 97 mph.
"'So charge him," says the Chief.
"'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who do you have there, the mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "The President?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"'Well," said the Chief, "who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
The Chief is now angry. "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "His chauffeur is the Pope!"
5. Ali was excited as he rode his motorcyle to the airport. He was going to the haj! He found a secluded spot he thought would safe to leave his bike till he got back. Then he got on his flight.
But, on his return, the motorcycle had been stolen. Now he is known as "Haji no moto." [A note of explanation about this old and politically incorrect joke. A Muslim who returns from the pilgrimage to Mecca, or the haj, gets the honorific "haji". There is a brand of food seasoning called Ajinomoto.]
6. A religious order known for its strict adherence to the celibacy vow [remember my earlier anecdote on celibate vs celebrate?], decided to recruit new novices. Three young men turned up.
The chief monk got a belly dancer to test their suitability [that's a trigger word!... for me to blog another time on the infamous "suitability certificate" Singapore university applicants had to submit once upon a time, but I digress here...].
He also tied a little bell to the willy of each of the boys, who were called up one at a time.
When the first applicant came into the room, the dancer, cleavage and all, hip shaking sensuously too, approached him. In seconds, "tink, tink, tink" was heard.
"My son", admonished the monk, "go take a cold shower."
The second applicant stood out longer (pun intended). The dancer had to swirl around him before the sound of the bell was heard.
"Take a cold shower," the monk told him.
The third applicant was impassive no matter how hard the dancer swayed provocatively and as good as embraced him seductively.
After the monk sent her away, he praised the young man. "Well done, you are ready to join our order. It has been a long day and if you wish, you can join your brethren in the shower room."
At which point, "tink, tink, tink" could be heard.
7. The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their
enemies.
About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his
question.
This time he received a response of eighty percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his
question.
With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in
the rear.
"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Eighty-six."
"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be 86 and not have an enemy in the world."
The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It's easy. I outlived all of them."
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Eat, drink & be merry, for tomorrow we will diet... 9 questions to ask a 'health nut'.
Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.
Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
tequila is made out of cactus, that means they take the water out of
the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is
also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q5: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q6: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it get! s bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q7: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans--another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!
Q8: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q9: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets!
[Disclaimer: If by Q9, you still don't think this is a spoof, you need to talk to a shrink, not a health 'nut'.]
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.
Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
tequila is made out of cactus, that means they take the water out of
the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is
also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q5: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q6: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it get! s bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q7: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans--another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!
Q8: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q9: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets!
[Disclaimer: If by Q9, you still don't think this is a spoof, you need to talk to a shrink, not a health 'nut'.]
Saturday, December 4, 2010
All at sea
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp
I have an article in The Sunday Times (5 Dec) arguing that since the end of the Vietnam War, American aircraft carriers -- behemoths that are referred to as super-carriers -- have been an important deterrent to conflict erupting in East Asian flashpoints like the Taiwan Strait and the Korean peninsula.
The article is too long to post here.
But I want to use this space to retell an aircraft carrier joke that, in some versions, imply that the purported incident actually happened. My abridged version here goes like this:
An American aircraf't carrier captain is told by a crewman that a small vessel spotted on the radar screen is close by, and on a collision course with the 100,000-ton warship he is in command of.
He gets on the radio: "Captain of unidentified ship, please change course 7 degrees south to avert a collision."
Back comes the reply: "Sorry, no can do. Suggest you change course."
All puffed up, the captain shoots back: "This is Capt Hugh Ego of the US Navy. I am in command of the USS George Washington, a Nimitz-class super carrier. I say again, please change course 7 degrees south to avert a collision."
Back comes the same reply: "Sorry, no can do. Suggest you change course."
Captain: I am the captain of one of the most powerful warships in the US Navy. Who are you?"
Reply: "I am just a humble lighthouse keeper. And if you keep wasting our time, your big toy and my little lighthouse are going to disappear into the sea soon!"
What's intriguing about this tale is the air of authenticity conferred in some versions, as if the account is from a leaked official navy source, a la the current WikiLeaks saga. But the hyperlink above shows that this story is just an urban legend -- going back to a long time ago.
So, when you hear a joke that involves real people or situations, caveat emptor.
I have an article in The Sunday Times (5 Dec) arguing that since the end of the Vietnam War, American aircraft carriers -- behemoths that are referred to as super-carriers -- have been an important deterrent to conflict erupting in East Asian flashpoints like the Taiwan Strait and the Korean peninsula.
The article is too long to post here.
But I want to use this space to retell an aircraft carrier joke that, in some versions, imply that the purported incident actually happened. My abridged version here goes like this:
An American aircraf't carrier captain is told by a crewman that a small vessel spotted on the radar screen is close by, and on a collision course with the 100,000-ton warship he is in command of.
He gets on the radio: "Captain of unidentified ship, please change course 7 degrees south to avert a collision."
Back comes the reply: "Sorry, no can do. Suggest you change course."
All puffed up, the captain shoots back: "This is Capt Hugh Ego of the US Navy. I am in command of the USS George Washington, a Nimitz-class super carrier. I say again, please change course 7 degrees south to avert a collision."
Back comes the same reply: "Sorry, no can do. Suggest you change course."
Captain: I am the captain of one of the most powerful warships in the US Navy. Who are you?"
Reply: "I am just a humble lighthouse keeper. And if you keep wasting our time, your big toy and my little lighthouse are going to disappear into the sea soon!"
What's intriguing about this tale is the air of authenticity conferred in some versions, as if the account is from a leaked official navy source, a la the current WikiLeaks saga. But the hyperlink above shows that this story is just an urban legend -- going back to a long time ago.
So, when you hear a joke that involves real people or situations, caveat emptor.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Most -un words are fun, except for the gun. The best is the pun...
These delightful gems were sent to me a while back by my good friend Kim Ann:
CREATIVE PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
21. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
22. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
CREATIVE PUNS FOR EDUCATED MINDS
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
21. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
22. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
A tribute to Aung San Suu Kyi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridezilla_(term)
Word of the day: Bridezilla.
It's such a cleverly contrived portmanteau word, from "bride" and "godzilla", and it means a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. Seems there's a serial on this idea on mio TV. Haha. I can think of a potential headline, "Bride's hate revisited".
But I want to use today's posting to highlight two things from today's papers (ST and Today).
First, I think my colleague Shefali Rekhi wrote a wonderful story of her interview with Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyu, "Democracy comes first, says Suu Kyi" (ST, 2 Dec 2010, page 1).
I am in awe of everything Ms Suu Kyi stands for, and I urge everyone to read the story. Here are excerpts:
Power to the people
"I am trying to instil the idea of the power of the powerless into them... and that they can use this power in the right way to make the changes that we want. I think, first of all, we have to make them understand that their power lies in unity. That it lies in their ability to communicate with each other and to be able to make their hopes and aspirations felt by (the authorities)."
The key goals
"The first goal, the primary goal, is to create this network of people working for the process of democratisation. Within that, of course, there are social goals, humanitarian goals, political goals, and we want to coordinate all these into one big positive force. The second goal, I think I will tell you when we are halfway through the first goal."
On being President or PM
"I do not think in those terms. What I aspire to is to establish a strong and lasting democratic system in Burma. I don't think it is important who is President if the democratic institutions are genuine and strong and in place. There will be presidents and presidents after that."
Duty before family
"I am not the only one who has put duty above family, and when you consider what has happened to other families who belong to the National League for Democracy [the party she led, since forced to disband] and other democratic forces, then I don't think I want to make a big issue out of whether ot not I suffered."
The other thing I want to post here is an excerpt from Thomas Friedman's recent New York Times article (reprinted in Today, 2 Dec, page 20) on a fake -- and I must emphasise here it is all made up -- Chinese Washington-based embassy cable "obtained" by WikiLeaks. I had, in an earlier posting, discussed many Americans' belief in their country's "exceptionalism" and Friedman, using the fake Chinese voice, critiques this notion beautifully, as follows:
"[Americans] travel abroad so rarely that they don't see how far they are falling behind. Which is why we at the embassy find it funny that Americans are now fighting over how 'exceptional' they are.
"On the front page of The Washington Post on Monday there was an article noting that Repulicans Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee are denouncing Obama for denying 'American exceptionalism'. The Americans have replaced working to be exceptional with talking about how exceptional they still are.
"They don't seem to understand that you can't declare yourself 'exceptional'; only others can bestow that adjective upon you."
Word of the day: Bridezilla.
It's such a cleverly contrived portmanteau word, from "bride" and "godzilla", and it means a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. Seems there's a serial on this idea on mio TV. Haha. I can think of a potential headline, "Bride's hate revisited".
But I want to use today's posting to highlight two things from today's papers (ST and Today).
First, I think my colleague Shefali Rekhi wrote a wonderful story of her interview with Myanmar opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyu, "Democracy comes first, says Suu Kyi" (ST, 2 Dec 2010, page 1).
I am in awe of everything Ms Suu Kyi stands for, and I urge everyone to read the story. Here are excerpts:
Power to the people
"I am trying to instil the idea of the power of the powerless into them... and that they can use this power in the right way to make the changes that we want. I think, first of all, we have to make them understand that their power lies in unity. That it lies in their ability to communicate with each other and to be able to make their hopes and aspirations felt by (the authorities)."
The key goals
"The first goal, the primary goal, is to create this network of people working for the process of democratisation. Within that, of course, there are social goals, humanitarian goals, political goals, and we want to coordinate all these into one big positive force. The second goal, I think I will tell you when we are halfway through the first goal."
On being President or PM
"I do not think in those terms. What I aspire to is to establish a strong and lasting democratic system in Burma. I don't think it is important who is President if the democratic institutions are genuine and strong and in place. There will be presidents and presidents after that."
Duty before family
"I am not the only one who has put duty above family, and when you consider what has happened to other families who belong to the National League for Democracy [the party she led, since forced to disband] and other democratic forces, then I don't think I want to make a big issue out of whether ot not I suffered."
The other thing I want to post here is an excerpt from Thomas Friedman's recent New York Times article (reprinted in Today, 2 Dec, page 20) on a fake -- and I must emphasise here it is all made up -- Chinese Washington-based embassy cable "obtained" by WikiLeaks. I had, in an earlier posting, discussed many Americans' belief in their country's "exceptionalism" and Friedman, using the fake Chinese voice, critiques this notion beautifully, as follows:
"[Americans] travel abroad so rarely that they don't see how far they are falling behind. Which is why we at the embassy find it funny that Americans are now fighting over how 'exceptional' they are.
"On the front page of The Washington Post on Monday there was an article noting that Repulicans Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee are denouncing Obama for denying 'American exceptionalism'. The Americans have replaced working to be exceptional with talking about how exceptional they still are.
"They don't seem to understand that you can't declare yourself 'exceptional'; only others can bestow that adjective upon you."
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Diplomatic-speak
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc9Ffe_TRnA
With the WikiLeaks news all over the front pages, and with secret American diplomatic cables spewing out of the woodwork, I think a little spotlight on "diplomatese" is in order.
First off, I heard this a while back but can't recall who told it to me:
When a diplomat says "Yes", he means "Maybe".
When he says "Maybe," he means "No".
When he says "No," he's no diplomat.
When a lady says "No," she means "Maybe."
When she says "Maybe," she means "Yes."
When she says "Yes," she's no lady.
Next, I've always wondered what diplomats mean when they come out of a room after longdrawn negotiations over a tough issue and announce tersely to the press, "We had a fruitful discussion." I suspect their aides always make sure there are bowls of fruits strategically placed on the table. They say diplomats are paid to lie in the national interest, but the really good ones use the verbal sleigh of hand instead.
A nation's leaders are its top diplomats, especially its head of government and its foreign minister. Whatever one may feel about former Malaysian Premier Mahathir Mohamad, he is a class act. Long ago, in the early 1970s, when Vietnamese refugees fleeing the war there were arriving in boats in Malaysian waters, he reported said -- perhaps in jest -- but within earshot of the media, "Shoot them."
When queried by some in the press corps, he realised he was at risk of committing a blunder. But, with that trademark smile of his, he replied: "I said 'shoo them'. "
Lastly, I hope the YouTube link above works. It's hilarious stuff. But, just in case, transcripts can be found if one Googles these key words -- "bush" "rice" "hu" "joke".
With the WikiLeaks news all over the front pages, and with secret American diplomatic cables spewing out of the woodwork, I think a little spotlight on "diplomatese" is in order.
First off, I heard this a while back but can't recall who told it to me:
When a diplomat says "Yes", he means "Maybe".
When he says "Maybe," he means "No".
When he says "No," he's no diplomat.
When a lady says "No," she means "Maybe."
When she says "Maybe," she means "Yes."
When she says "Yes," she's no lady.
Next, I've always wondered what diplomats mean when they come out of a room after longdrawn negotiations over a tough issue and announce tersely to the press, "We had a fruitful discussion." I suspect their aides always make sure there are bowls of fruits strategically placed on the table. They say diplomats are paid to lie in the national interest, but the really good ones use the verbal sleigh of hand instead.
A nation's leaders are its top diplomats, especially its head of government and its foreign minister. Whatever one may feel about former Malaysian Premier Mahathir Mohamad, he is a class act. Long ago, in the early 1970s, when Vietnamese refugees fleeing the war there were arriving in boats in Malaysian waters, he reported said -- perhaps in jest -- but within earshot of the media, "Shoot them."
When queried by some in the press corps, he realised he was at risk of committing a blunder. But, with that trademark smile of his, he replied: "I said 'shoo them'. "
Lastly, I hope the YouTube link above works. It's hilarious stuff. But, just in case, transcripts can be found if one Googles these key words -- "bush" "rice" "hu" "joke".
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