Diplomatic-speak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc9Ffe_TRnA

With the WikiLeaks news all over the front pages, and with secret American diplomatic cables spewing out of the woodwork, I think a little spotlight on "diplomatese" is in order.

First off, I heard this a while back but can't recall who told it to me:

When a diplomat says "Yes", he means "Maybe".
When he says "Maybe," he means "No".
When he says "No," he's no diplomat.

When a lady says "No," she means "Maybe."
When she says "Maybe," she means "Yes."
When she says "Yes," she's no lady.

Next, I've always wondered what diplomats mean when they come out of a room after longdrawn negotiations over a tough issue and announce tersely to the press, "We had a fruitful discussion." I suspect their aides always make sure there are bowls of fruits strategically placed on the table. They say diplomats are paid to lie in the national interest, but the really good ones use the verbal sleigh of hand instead.

A nation's leaders are its top diplomats, especially its head of government and its foreign minister. Whatever one may feel about former Malaysian Premier Mahathir Mohamad, he is a class act. Long ago, in the early 1970s, when Vietnamese refugees fleeing the war there were arriving in boats in Malaysian waters, he reported said -- perhaps in jest -- but within earshot of the media, "Shoot them."

When queried by some in the press corps, he realised he was at risk of committing a blunder. But, with that trademark smile of his, he replied: "I  said 'shoo them'. "

Lastly, I hope the YouTube link above works. It's hilarious stuff. But, just in case, transcripts can be found if one Googles these key words -- "bush" "rice" "hu" "joke".