Safe sex? A bit cramped, isn't it?

One cartoonist had a literal interpretation of "safe sex". Here it is:

http://www.offensive-jokes.com/joke354-safe-sex.html

Anyway, the hook today are media reports citing a survey that said eight in 10 Singapore residents, aged 20 to 35, had sex with a new partner without using any contraceptive method such as condoms.

There were 200 Singapore residents (equally divided, gender-wise) involved in the global survey covering 6,000 young people from 26 countries.

Interestingly, some 25 per cent (about one in four) of the Singapore respondents believe in at least one contraception myth. Top of the list: withdrawal before ejaculation (34 per cent). Here're some others:

Having a bath or showering after sex (6 per cent).
Staying "upside down for two hours" (3 per cent)... [I don't get this one; shouldn't the person be jumping up and down for two hours?]
Rinsing the genital area "with Coca-Cola" (3 per cent)... [Hmm, Coke -- not Pepsi -- is preferred because it's the real thing, right? Actually, this might work if the girl does it right. She should fill a glass with Coke, put ice in it and, just as the (unsuspecting) guy is ready, dunk his pecker inside the glass. Safe sex is guaranteed... in fact, it would be safe non-sex!]

The study also found that among Singapore respondents, the Internet was the most common source of misinformation on contraception, followed by friends and religious leaders.

Huh, religious leaders? Was that after a sermon titled "Go forth and multiply?"

But, seriously, I think it is really tough for today's parents who have children in their teen years and above. I am sure very few children today look to their parents on the topic of the birds and the bees. [But, then, neither did young people in my time]. I also do not envy the people who must devise and conduct Sex Education modules. Just the question of whether and when to teach Safe Sex, and how to do so, is still a minefield in Singapore.

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Sex, however, has always been a favourite topic for punsters. Here's a selection:

What is the world's oldest profession?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Why are Singapore women finding it so hard to conceive?
How do you tell which pencil in the bunch practises safe sex?

Answers:
Nope, it's not what you think. It's apple picking.
The chicken, of course. Have you ever seen an egg come?
Because of the men's short comings (ouch, ouch, ducking all the eggs thrown at me!)
The pencil with the rubber. Abuthen. [This joke was actually told to me by a Primary-level child.]

A man walks into a drug store with his eight-year-old son. As they walk by the condom display area, the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
The man matter-of-factly replies, “They are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” says the boy. “I’ve heard of that in health education class at school.”
The boy then looks over the display, picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package.”
The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
“WOW!” exclaims the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the mother, somewhat uncomfortably, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother who, by now, is really squirming.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who was puzzled by its opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

And finally...
"I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible." (Leslie Nielsen)