First-time tourist driving in the US...
Ah Heng and his girlfriend Ah Hway are holidaying in the US. He hires a car. At some point, a police cruiser, siren blaring, signals him to pull over. The cop walks over...
Cop: "Sir, this is a 65 MPH highway. Why are you going so slowly?"
Ah Heng: "I from Singapore, meh. Always follow, lor. I see many, many signs got number 22, not 65, so I drive at 22mph, lor."
Cop: "Okay, I see. That's not the speed limit, sir. That's the name of the highway you're on!"
Ah Heng (thinks to himself, 'Wah, heng ah, didn't kena ticket', then tells cop): "Thank you, thank you. I drive 65mph now."
At this point the cop notices Ah Heng's passenger, Ah Hway, who is shaking and white as a ghost.
Cop: "Excuse me, sir. Is ma'am here all right?"
Before Ah Heng could reply, Ah Hway tells the cop in a still shaking voice: "We just got off Highway 119."
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Back in Singapore...
Ah Heng had been drinking in a karaoke pub all night and is driving home. His car is weaving violently all over the road. A traffic cop pulls him over.
Cop, breathalyser in his hand: "Hello, where were you before this?"
Ah Heng, in a slurry voice: "Oh oh. Ya, karaoke pub, but not very long there!"
Cop: "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening. And did you know that a few traffic lights back, your girlfriend fell out of your car?"
Ah Heng, looking towards the passenger seat: "Oh yah, hor. Ah Hway's not in the car! And I thought I'd gone deaf."
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Ah Hway is driving on the Pan Island Expressway...
Traffic cop on a motorbike pulls up beside her, is shocked to see what's she's doing, and gestures for her to wind down the driver's window. She complies.
Cop: "Pull over!"
Ah Hway, smiling sweetly: "Um see, lah! (That's not correct.) Not pullover. I'm knitting a cardigan, got buttons, lah!"
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Ah Hway's car stalls on the expressway....
Smoke rises from under the bonnet but she manages to open it and takes a look at the engine. She calls her mechanic, Ah Kee.
Ah Hway: "Ah Kee, can you come over and bring the 'seven-one-oh' engine part. Wah kwah (I see that), it has fallen off."
Ah Kee: "Lu kong si mi (what are you talking about)? Where got 'seven-one-oh' engine part?"
Ah Hway insists: "Got, lah!"
Ah Kee: "Never mind, I come soon."
Ah Kee arrives. He looks under the bonnet. This is the missing engine part...
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Weekend maths, part 2...
1. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? Answer "Yes" or "No".
4. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 2000s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok).
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News Update
It now looks like Cardiff City will get to keep its blue kit and bluebird logo/crest after all!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/may/10/cardiff-city-colours-red-protests?newsfeed=true
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ST Forum letter (12 May) by Chen Junyi, "Locations, not foreign policies, saved Venice and harmed Genoa"...
Former foreign minister George Yeo compared the histories of Venice and Genoa, and attributed the latter’s earlier loss of independence to an unwise foreign policy of being involved in wars that were not motivated by economic advantage, unlike a cannier Venice (“Venice and Singapore: A study in parallels”; Wednesday).
In my view, while Venice successfully retained its independence for several centuries longer than Genoa, their different fates owed more to the geopolitical outcomes of their respective locations rather than contrasting foreign policies.
Both republics followed largely the same foreign policies of pursuing economic interests, building extensive maritime empires, and were similarly involved in the wars in northern Italy.
Venice’s most powerful neighbour in the Middle Ages was first the Byzantine Empire, which was already in decline.
A series of wars between Venice and Genoa in the 13th century lasted more than 100 years, which Venice won eventually.
A weakened Genoa was unable to resist its northern neighbour, a growing French monarchy with ambitions in Italy.
Venice was saved because other Italian states finally rallied together to form the League of Venice to resist France.
Subsequently, Genoa became a repeat casualty because of the rivalry of two powerful neighbours – France and Spain – in their fight over dominance in Italy.
Genoa was located at the northern gateway into Italy and changed hands several times.
On the other hand, the European states found it more useful to support Venice to counter the expansion of the Ottoman Empire.
Certainly, there are valid lessons Singapore can learn from the histories of
Venice and Genoa. But we should be careful what lessons we draw from
them.
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