Let me begin today's blog entry with a joke...
A well-brought up young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift. The bird, however, had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of its mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
Jon's girlfriend was coming over that night to watch TV with him.
He had very little time to try and change the parrot's attitude -- he used only polite words to the bird, played soft music, read Scripture to it, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
But it continued to spew profanities.
Finally, Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude and profane.
In desperation, Jon grabbed the bird and shut it in the freezer. For a few minutes, he could hear the parrot squawking and kicking about. Then, suddenly, total silence.
Fearing he had killed the foul-mouthed bird, Jon quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my crude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions and fully intend -- from now on -- to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
Jon, stunned but happy at the change in the bird's dramatic change in behavior, was about to open his mouth to praise it.
Before he could do so, the bird continued... "By the way, um, what did the TURKEY DO?"
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Ok, that was just a joke. Now for a real-life story, courtesy of insing.com:
Rude bird dashes candidacy dreams
If the public adores Returning Officer extraordinaire Yam Ah Mee, then the media must love acupuncturist Zeng Guoyuan.Dubbed the 'Parrot man" after he gave an interview to the media last year with a pet parrot perched on his shoulder, Mr Zeng is pursued by reporters for his quirky sound bites and eccentric get-ups.
The media didn’t have long to guess if he would show up at Serangoon Junior College on Wednesday morning (16 May). Just before 11am, the 59-year-old, wearing an Indian-inspired robe, arrived at the nomination centre for the Hougang by-election – on a motorbike.
But Mr Zeng came alone; his feathered friend was nowhere to be seen.
Neither were his proposer, seconder and at least four assentors required for nomination. However, when asked about the $13,500 deposit, Mr Zeng assured reporters that he had [the money with] him.
The former Workers’ Party member walked into the school hall for his application to be processed. Within minutes, he came out.
He said an election official told him he was disqualified [from the 26 May Hougang by-election] because of a 2008 police case against him. He [had then had to pay] a fine for verbally abusing two police officers who had entered his shop in Toa Payoh.
[On Wednesday, outside] the school hall, Mr Zeng protested his innocence to reporters. He blamed his parrot for mouthing off at the police officers.
“My bird scolded the police, not me,” he said. “It was the bird that said ‘f*** off’.”
Mr Zeng said he even told the judge in court that he would “bring my bird to prove that my bird said such a word. But the judge said ‘If your bird said such a word, then I have to give you another additional fine,” said Mr Zeng seriously. “I will have to fine the bird, plus you.’ ”
Mr Zeng added that the F-word was not a bad word, and explained that it meant “friendly, understanding, caring and kind”.
“I don’t understand why people use it as a dirty word,” he added.
The Elections Department has issued a statement saying that Mr Zeng had not been disqualified, but did not file his papers at all.
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Hmmm, so innocent me, I didn't know that. The f-word means “friendly, understanding, caring and kind”. Let's use it to greet each other!
But, remember the furore last year over a graduating university student's use of that word during her valedictorian speech?
And, while we all know what physical act the f-word is meant to convey, how did it originate? The UrbanLegends website explored the possibilities, of which I like this one best:
The word... originated in the 15th Century, when a married couple needed permission from the king to procreate. Hence, Fornication Under Consent of the King.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl-f-word.htm
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