Thursday, February 21, 2013

Two A's and a B...

A is for Aged

Yesterday was about active ageing. Today is just ageing...

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,
they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

The elderly woman had unknowingly left her glasses on the table when they left, and she didn't miss them until the old couple had been back on the road for about forty minutes. The old man got upset on hearing about it.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and kept scolding his wife during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just
wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car to hurry inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled out to her:

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

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A is for Adidog

It's still the Chinese New Year season, so Killer wore festive red:





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And B is for British humour...

         These are classified ads placed in U.K.
                                 newspapers:

                           FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
                8 years old, Hateful little bastard.   Bites!
                 ___________________________________________

                                FREE PUPPIES
               1/2 Cocker Spaniel , 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
              ________________________________________________

      FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
     Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
           _______________________________________________________

           COWS, CALVES:   NEVER BRED.   Also 1 gay bull for sale.
          ________________________________________________________

                           JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
                      Must sell washer and dryer £100.
        _____________________________________________________________

                           WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
                            Worn once by mistake.
                              Call Stephanie .
         ___________________________________________________________

                                    FOR SALE
                Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica , 45
                                  volumes.
                  Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
            No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

        ___________________________________________________________

       Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker   --   Billy
                                 Connolly .

              "If women are so bloody perfect at multi-tasking,

       How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
        ____________________________________________________________

                             Children Are Quick

                        TEACHER:   Why are you late?
                 STUDENT:   Class started before I got here.

                    ____________________________________

     TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the
                                   floor?
             JOHN:   You told me to do it without using tables.
                 __________________________________________

              TEACHER:   Glenn , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
                         GLENN:   K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
                         TEACHER:   No, that's wrong
        GLENN:   Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
                             
                ____________________________________________

         TEACHER:   Donald , what is the chemical formula for water?
                         DONALD:   H I J K L M N O.
                   TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
                  DONALD:   Yesterday you said it's H to O.
                     __________________________________

     TEACHER:   Winnie , name one important thing we have today that we
                         didn't have ten years ago.
                                WINNIE:   Me!
                 __________________________________________

              TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
         GLEN:   Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
                   _______________________________________

         TEACHER:   Millie , give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
                               MILLIE:   I is.
               TEACHER:   No, Millie ..... Always say, 'I am.'
       MILLIE:   All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
                      ________________________________

            TEACHER:   Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
                                   eating?
          SIMON:   No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
                       ______________________________

     TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same
                   as your brother's.   Did you copy his?
                   CLYDE :   No, sir.   It's the same dog.

                       ___________________________________

     TEACHER:   Harold , what do you call a person who keeps on talking
                    when people are no longer interested?
                            HAROLD:   A teacher .

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