Saturday, January 15, 2011

FBI alert! Weapons of math instruction seized

My wife sent this to me in 2006, when George W Bush was the US President. With this one, I'll take a break from my current obsession with "the sum of all fears is the fear of all sums"...

Teacher arrested

New York -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International
Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves
as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes."

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