More double-take headlines

I decided to do an Internet search and uncovered more (mostly American) funny headlines.

But, first, I got my comeuppance for making all those Uranus jokes. I have been probed before in the oral orifice (endoscopy), anal orifice (colonoscopy) and now my urologist advises me to undergo a cystoscopy -- to check if my urethral passage has any blockage.

To mangle a Startrek tag line, "penile space... the last frontier".

My daughter texted me, "what's the purpose of the investigation?"
My reply: "To probe further lor, haha." Haha, indeed. Watch this space on Feb 15 (or a day or two later) for the Ouch, ouch.

Ok, more double-take headlines (this time the comments are mine):

1) Tiger Woods plays with his own balls, says Nike
[this was after that famous scandal, and big name companies were shying away from endorsing him.]

2) A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt
[nickname of Alex Rodriguez, the New York Yankees baseball star; Wang is from the rival team.]

3) Colleagues finger billionaire
[I'm swearing off Uranus jokes, so no comment here]

4) Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons
[should have sent the FBI, not the CIA, to look for WMDs in Saddam-ruled pre-invasion Iraq?]

5) Missippi's literacy program shows improvement
[remember my joke about the two Singaporeans in the US Deep South? They got it right.]

6) Teen learns to live with stutttering
[I can vouch for this one... I saw the fascimile.]

7) Porn star sues over rear-end collision
[so, was the fender bent?]

8) Hooker named Lay Person of the Year
[I always say "The best laid plan..."]

9) Bonnie blows Clinton
[hello, there's a town called Clinton in Massachusetts, USA, and a hurricane had hit it.]

10) Freshman Talley makes the best of her 2 soggy holes
[the story is about a Kentucky girls' state golf tournament.]

11) Nudists fight erection of towers near beach
[hmm, down towers! down, boy!]

12) Man executed after long speech
[his arguments were so eloquent, he was dead right?]

13) Threat disrupts plans to meet about threats
[the answer therein to someone who had asked, "What is an irony?"]

14) Meeting on open meetings is closed
[a lesson for advocacy group Aware on holding AGMs?]

15) Man accused of killing lawyer receives a new attorney
[it'll be a loooooong trial.]

16) One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers
[it's a cardinal rule that journalists do not make fun of the disabled, so this example shows up the headline writer's stupidity.]

17) Police find crack in UK
[so, Disunited Kingdom now?]

18) 15 pit bulls rescued; 2 arrested
[these two were the top dogs, you see]

19) City unsure why the sewers smell
[just like the joke about "you're in trouble when your nose runs and your feet smell'.]

20) Condom truck tips, spills load
[I reserved this one for last... it's the best!]