The Englishables!
Exhibit One
This California Widow is a real groaker. She watched the spermologer as he jirbled some irish cream into the coffee cup of the soda-squirt with a pussyvan and said nothing. He’s married to the zafty woman with squirrel who’s spent half of her adult life as an underpaid bookwright figuring out whether Arabic words are Englishable or not.
She now works for the snoutfair you find lunting around town who took up tyromancy for a hobby when his wonder-wench ex-wife walked out on him because, well, he’s a bit of a beef-wit. Now she helps curglaffed queerplungers by giving them research tasks for her PhD in resistentialism.
Exhibit Two
I was lunting along, feeling a bit stung that the sodasquirt who’d just served me a chocolate malted had accused me of being a spermaloger, when he should have known I was a well known bookwright.
Suddenly I groaked a California widow of my acquaintance -- truly a snoutfair and clearly with squirrel -- eating lunch at a sidewalk cafe. The shock I felt was almost at the level of a curglaff. Being rather beef-witted, I couldn’t quite figure how I might entice this wonder-wench into my pussyvan.
Distracted as I was, I experienced the rather unpleasant resistentialism of a streetlamp that had suddenly appeared in front of me. I was then reminded of the tyromancy session from the previous night.
At the time, and not wanting to appear too zafty to my friends, I had poo pooed it as “overpriced.” (I now understood it to be worth every penny.) As discreetly as possible, I drew my flask from my back pocket and jirbled out a dram in an attempt to recover my senses.
The whole episode had me feeling so verklempt (is that Englishable?) it put me in mind to throw myself in the river. What stopped me was the realization that this act would most likely not be taken seriously, and I would instead be labeled a devious queerplunger.
------------------------------------------------------
No, these two "exhibits", penned by two very creative people, are not gibberish. All they needed were 18 obsolete English words. Here's the key that will unlock what the two writers above are saying (thanks, Lynn, for posting the link):
18 obsolete words that should never have gone out of style
http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/195348/18-obsolete-words-which-should-have-never-gone-out-of-style/
----------------------------------------------------------
If, after all that, you are still a glutton for punishment, take this test:
How to check for Alzheimer's.
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake (but you should not take longer than 40 seconds):
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down!
No comments:
Post a Comment