Friday, February 21, 2014

What glows, changes form, goes for gold, goes by the book, and is a blast?

I've never seen an angel. So how does one visualise an "angelic glow"?...

The ad above tried to be helpful with its picture of a model trying to look angelic:

But I still don't see any glow. In contrast, this reindeer below definitely glows:

So maybe all the model needs is some reflective spray to achieve that angelic glow.

As for this amazing ad below...

Wow! These magical crystals will transform into "supple and firm skin"! Just take some out and, voila, skin is created! But, um, doesn't all that skin created from crystals need a body or head (or, in this case, presumably a face)? The problem with this ad is its jarring use of the transitive verb "transforms" which requires an object. Better to be less grandious-sounding and say, no less effectively, "The result? Supple & Firm skin".

It gets more bizarre. In this ad below, just what are "fats" or "unwanted fats" (ie, instead of "unwanted fat")? Assuming that English isn't the copy writer's forte, when you pawn something, you hope to get it back eventually, don't you? Actually, you may never get your "gold bar" because, I think, if you lose 2 kilos of your body's fat -- as opposed to losing 2 kilos of your body weight -- you might have to shed more kilos than your doctor would advise you to. But if you persist and insist on claiming your "gold bar" (as in what you see in the vaults at Fort Knox), get a lawyer to press your case. What you may think is a "gold bar" (as stated) may be just a "gold wafer" or "gold medallion"...

But getting a lawyer is not always helpful. I think only a humorless lawyer could have written this caveat for this book I bought, which is a compilation of jokes:

Finally, be careful when you want to open an email that has just arrived. You may even want to call in the bomb squad to stand by, just in case there is a "blast", as is likely here:

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