A PG-rated story.

Ah Hyah and Ah Tee, best friends since their schooldays, celebrate their birthdays only one day apart. They both did their National Service. Now retired and in their '60s, the two postwar baby boomers are making their way to the neighbourhood polyclinic for their medical appointments. Both are citizens, and they have always enjoyed the same subsidised treatment there.

At the polyclinic, they are met by a staff member eager to explain to them this new thing called the Pioneer Generation (PG) package...

The staff member goes into her spiel. Let's call her Miss See. Then she asks the two men the all-important question: their birth dates.

Ah Hyah: I was born on Dec 31, 1949.
Ah Tee: I was born on Jan 1, 1950.
Miss See: Mr Ah Hyah, you belong to the Pioneer Generation, the newly coined term to recognise those who first fought the communists and then the communalists, and who are the first generation of Singaporeans to have helped build up modern Singapore. You are entitled to the benefits I listed.
Ah Tee: Me?
Miss See (consults her notes): Sorry, Mr Ah Tee. You do not belong to this special generation, unlike Mr Ah Hyah here.
(Ah Hyah looks uncomfortable now)
Ah Tee: Hello, we both went to school together, we caught spiders together, and our parents locked us up at home during the 1960s communal riots. We had no chance to peep out to see what those communalists looked like. And I suppose I had no hand in helping to build up modern Singapore, even though I was among those in the first few batches of National Servicemen, like my best friend Ah Hyah here.
Miss See (checks her notes again): It says here that the Pioneer Generation means those born before and up till Dec 31, 1949. Sorry, I just follow lor.

Thus ends this PG-rated story. Finis.

Foreign affairs: Did Putin wink back at Cristina?

My own headline for the story below would be:

With friends like Bob, who needs enemies?

Indeed, who needs Wikileaks (if he keeps publishing sequels)! Here's one of the book's juicy tittle-tattles:

Even juicier is Mr Carr's take on Argentina's president...

Hmm, so, did Mr Putin wink back at her?

Mr Putin, meanwhile, has been busy rejecting suggestions that he reclaim Alaska from the United States. "Too cold," he reportedly deadpanned:

http://t.news.xin.msn.com/en/weird/ex-russian-alaska-too-cold-to-annex-putin-jokes-2

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Here in Singapore, the Russian Embassy's press secretary felt compelled to write to The Straits Times:

It was an official, and a sort-of-right-of-reply, letter. But guess what? It was put under the category "ST Readers' Post". And while the tag "JUST ONE VIEW" should -- if the letter in question were written by an ordinary ST reader -- carry no double entendre meaning, in this case...

Anyway, I must say Mr Ryakhovskiy writes very eloquently:

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Our own Defence Minister is to be commended for his dignified yet firm and diplomatically superb response to that sorry that was not so much a sorry...

Dr Ng is also absolutely right in saying that "we live in this neighbourhood" and that "we have to find ways to build relationships with our neighbours". It carries the notion of a collective self-identity that seeks to define the group (and its collective interests) with respect to some "other/others". In the context of ASEAN, this may even be developed into what I would call a Neighbourhood Watch Group. In 2000, using this idea, I had written an academic article for the peer reviewed journal Contemporary Southeast Asia. I titled my essay "ASEAN as a Neighbourhood Watch Group".

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Keep Calm and Keep Walking (Part 2)

I found this earlier article:

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Finally, one more for my "Keep Calm" collection!...

Keep calm and keep walking (it may save your life)!

Scary Facts About Sitting

It seems that since computers came along, we've been spending a huge part of our time sitting in place. But are chairs really the pose we want to assume most of our waking hours?  The answer, we're afraid to say, is no. It's unnatural, causes multiple health issues, and is just plain bad for us. Here are some of the scarier facts about sitting down and being sedentary all the time. Remember, it helps a lot to get up every 20-30 minutes and walk around a bit!

Sitting can kill you

http://www.businessinsider.com/sitting-can-kill-you-2011-4?IR=T&

More terrifying facts about how sitting will kill you

http://www.businessinsider.com/more-terrifying-facts-thats-sitting-kills-you-2011-5?IR=T&

So, once again...

Stretching the reader's imagination; and Keep Calm and Love SG!

My collection of stuff from the newspapers is overflowing! Here're some of the more recent notables...

Another picture that's worth a thousand words

This pic shows so much irony in this tragic event. First of all, the caption is a terrible one -- where are the people being rescued? We do not know when this picture was taken but it looked as if no one was in a hurry despite there being over 200 schoolchildren trapped below decks and the ship had yet to capsize. Secondly, all those unopened canisters of live-saving rafts! Where were the crew members who might have saved lives just by releasing those inflatables into the icy-cold sea?

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Fancy layout, lousy proof check!

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So near and yet so far!

If this map is more or less correct, it dramatically shows how this tiny outpost of a Japanese-held island (until now protected by only two policemen) is soooo much closer to Taiwan and China than to Okinawa, let alone the main Japanese islands.

As for the story itself...

...we are told this tiny island is just 150km from the disputed Senkaku/Diaoyu island chain. Of course everything is relative and it is correct to say so, since Yonaguni is so many hundreds of kilometres from Tokyo.

But then...

...we are told Yonaguni is "practically within sight" of the disputed islands (they are low-lying islands but not rocks!). It will be a stretch of the imagination for the unaided human eye to see -- even on a clear day -- other tiny specks of islands from a distance of 150km!

There is a limit to journalistic licence, you know.
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It must have been a VERY BIG stomach to stomach all those gold bars!

I always understood gold bars weighing upwards of a kilo (the bigger ones are also called gold ingots or bullion) to look like these:

Those gold pieces weighing in the grams (below one kilo) are better referred to as mini gold bars, medallions or even wafers. So this story plays loose with the term "gold bar"...

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Red faces?

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Adding to my Keep Calm collection

Finally, I like this "Keep Calm" headline...

It goes well with this tongue-in-cheek "Keep Calm" story by an expat, in insing.com:

Advice for the newbie expat

http://features.insing.com/feature/advice-for-a-newbie-expat/id-d93f3101/

The Recall Notice, and '50 Shades of Sorry?'...

Tom sent me a witty "retelling" of the Redemption story, by some anonymous person. Angie liked it so much she put it on her Facebook page.

Here it is:

The Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings (God) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality" or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R (tollfree)

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.

Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
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For Christians, the piece above is both humorous and meaningful. But, for the sake of argument, I felt it introduced a theological problem: How could the Maker have created something faulty?

Indeed, someone else picked up that point too and, still in the spirit of good humour, rejigged the piece into "The Calvinist Recall Notice"!...

http://evangelicalarminians.org/the-arminian-vs-calvinist-recall-notice/

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50 Shades of Sorry?

It looks like the Indonesian four-star general who said sorry now says I said sorry but I did not say sorry for what you Singaporeans thought I said sorry for. It is confusing:

Straits Times

TODAY

I had thought of blogging on this turnaround under what I thought was a clever concoction of mine: "50 Shades of Sorry". But I have learnt my lesson (when I thought I was the first to coin the phrase "Diplomatic Impunity"). So I checked online and, yes, someone else had done that, been there!

http://www.66000milesperhour.com/2013/01/50-shades-of-sorry/

The writer (someone who simply called himself TOM) actually came up with a list of 50 possible variations of "sorry".

To me, there are five classes of sorry, with four that humans I know of practise. Say, someone has stepped on your toe. Here are the five classes in my typology:

The humanly unattainable response

"I'm so sorry I stepped on your toe. Please step on my toe."

The unequivocal (sincere) response

This can range from "I am so sorry" to "I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do...?"

The equivocal response

I suppose the Indonesian general's latest response falls into this category.

The insincere response

Examples: "I said I'm sorry. Now get out of here." "I am sorry not because I am sorry but I am sorry for being caught out (next time, you won't find me slipping up again)."

The rude/defiant response

Example: "Me sorry? Your toe was in the way!"

3 things...

Our dear friend Joy from Canberra sent us an Easter card. She included this lovely poem by existentialist philosopher Soren Kierkegaard:

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I'm still undecided if I should be called Gramps. Perhaps by way of helping me mull over it, Liane sent this:

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And newborn babies, it seems, respond agreeably to certain visual and audio stimuli. So, I suppose, if that baby is bawling away, just show him or her this video clip:

http://vimeo.com/8959370

It worked for me anyway. I felt all warm fuzzy after watching the 2 min 53 sec clip.

Actually, there has been research on visual stimulation for babies, especially on how it plays a part in newborns' brain development. Here's one link that Angie sent me:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/bright-starts-babys-development-through-interactive-play/playtime-articles/visual-stimulation-newborns

The Suitcase (a dialogue with God), and some journalistic stuff...

At such times, one tends to get reflective and to ask about the purpose and meaning of our short life on earth. This imagined dialogue that CC sent falls into place:

The Suitcase

A man died, and when he realized it, he saw God coming closer with a suitcase.

 - God said: All right, son, it's time to go.
 - Surprised, the man responded: Now? So soon? I had a lot of plans...
 - God: I'm sorry, but it's time to go.

 - What do you have in that suitcase? the man asked.
 - God: Your belongings.

 - My belongings? You mean my things, my clothes, my money?
 - God: Those things were not yours. They belonged to the world.

 - Is it my memories? the man asked.
 - God: those too never belonged to you; they belonged to Time

 - Is it my talents?
 - God: those were never yours; they belonged to the circumstances.

 - Is it my friends and family?
 - God: I'm sorry, they were never yours. They belonged to the path.

 - Is it my wife and children?
 - God: They were never yours; they belonged to your heart.

 - Is it my body?
 - God: that was never yours; it belonged to the dust.
 - Is it my soul?
 - God: No, that is mine.

Full of fear, the man took the suitcase from God and opened it -- to
find out that the suitcase was empty.

 - With a tear coming down his cheek, the man said: I never had anything???
 - God: that is correct. Every moment you lived was only yours. Life is
just a moment; a moment that belongs to you.

For this reason, live purposefully and with joy this time that is yours while you have it. Don't let anything that you think you own stop you from doing so.
 - Live Now - Live your life - don't forget to be happy.
 - Material things and everything else that you fought for, you leave behind.
 - YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING WITH YOU!

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The big story: An apology

I think the big story today (April 16), as far as Singapore is concerned, is the apology given by Indonesia's Armed Forces' Chief over the controversial naming of a frigate:

Straits Times

TODAY

Bearing in mind that this is election season in a somewhat restive Indonesia, the general is eschewing going along with populist sentiments and declaring that the TNI (the armed forces) remains a long-sighted institution that places domestic and regional stability above all else. Let's hope that the rest of the TNI senior officer corp is like-minded.

Incidentally, to resume my journalistic recollections, ST has always eschewed the headline shorthand "Indon", along with some other prohibitions such as "Pak" or "Paki" in stories relating to Pakistan. TODAY does not seem to have this self-imposed ruling with regard to "Indon".

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China: We are not pleased

The letter in ST's Forum (April 16) that caught my eye was this one:

I think here too one has to try and read more into what the news-maker is signalling. Ms Cao, I feel, is putting regional commentators including academics on notice -- that Beijing is taking note of what they are saying about issues for which it regards its version as "historically correct". Apart from the issue above, I would imagine that the Taiwan (One China vs Two Chinas) issue will brook no "agree to disagree" position either, even if it were an academic doing so in whatever forum.

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Same story: But nice ST headline, nice TODAY intro

Now, if only it was a single story with the ST headline and the TODAY intro!

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For anyone still figuring out how serious the situation is in Ukraine (see my blog entry on Monday), this ST (April 15) map graphic serves as a "picture that says a thousand words":

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Finally, I'm beginning to worry that ST does not do page proof checks anymore! I had spotted this glaring typo recently:

And now this (ST, April 15)!...

What is that forlorn "w" doing there in that picture caption??