Friday, April 18, 2014

The Recall Notice, and '50 Shades of Sorry?'...

Tom sent me a witty "retelling" of the Redemption story, by some anonymous person. Angie liked it so much she put it on her Facebook page.

Here it is:

The Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings (God) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality" or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R (tollfree)

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.

Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.


For Christians, the piece above is both humorous and meaningful. But, for the sake of argument, I felt it introduced a theological problem: How could the Maker have created something faulty?

Indeed, someone else picked up that point too and, still in the spirit of good humour, rejigged the piece into "The Calvinist Recall Notice"!...


50 Shades of Sorry?

It looks like the Indonesian four-star general who said sorry now says I said sorry but I did not say sorry for what you Singaporeans thought I said sorry for. It is confusing:

Straits Times


I had thought of blogging on this turnaround under what I thought was a clever concoction of mine: "50 Shades of Sorry". But I have learnt my lesson (when I thought I was the first to coin the phrase "Diplomatic Impunity"). So I checked online and, yes, someone else had done that, been there!

The writer (someone who simply called himself TOM) actually came up with a list of 50 possible variations of "sorry".

To me, there are five classes of sorry, with four that humans I know of practise. Say, someone has stepped on your toe. Here are the five classes in my typology:

The humanly unattainable response

"I'm so sorry I stepped on your toe. Please step on my toe."

The unequivocal (sincere) response

This can range from "I am so sorry" to "I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do...?"

The equivocal response

I suppose the Indonesian general's latest response falls into this category.

The insincere response

Examples: "I said I'm sorry. Now get out of here." "I am sorry not because I am sorry but I am sorry for being caught out (next time, you won't find me slipping up again)."

The rude/defiant response

Example: "Me sorry? Your toe was in the way!"

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