Of her four children, says housewife Serene Neo, she worried most about her second child because “daddy never ‘sayang’ him”.
Sayang is Malay for love, and her son Lin Dilun did not win his father’s affections – thanks to his rebellious ways after their divorce, says Madam Neo, 47. Mr Lin was then 10.
Now 27, Mr Lin, an events consultant, made headlines last month for donating his kidney to a complete stranger.
Recalling his fraught childhood, the good Samaritan recalls: “I was obedient only to mum. I was an angry kid because my parents broke up and I had lots of problems acceding to authority."
Mr Lin and his elder brother lived with their father, who had sole custody of them, in a three-room flat in Ang Mo Kio. He spent the weekends with his mum.
Misbehave and the time was withdrawn. Says Mr Lin: “I hated the arrangement.”So he did the next best thing he knew: Between the ages of 10 and 12 years, he ran away “pretty often” to his grandparent’s home, a 20-minute walk away.
His mum lived there initially until she remarried and moved to Choa Chu Kang. She has two children, aged 12 and five, by her second marriage.
Things came to a head when Mr Lin, then 12, kicked a policeman and was sent to the Child Guidance Clinic. At 13, he was sent to Gracehaven home for a year by the Juvenile Court.
His childhood rebellion is long over, but two years ago, he made his mother worry again when he told her he wanted to donate a kidney to a young stranger.
In July, he went through a four-hour operation to give his left kidney to Bryan Liu, The New Paper reported last month.
Six-year-old Bryan is the youngest recipient of a kidney donated by an altruistic living person here.
The New Paper reported that [Bryan] is recovering at home, playing with his twin sister, and is happy.
What was Dilun like when he was younger?
Madam Neo: He was a good boy until the divorce. I did not have to worry about his work or supervise him.
Mr Lin: I was told I was quite intelligent, always the second in level from Primary 1 to 3 in Mayflower Primary School, behind this guy who is now a doctor.
What was the naughtiest thing he did?
Mr Lin: One day when I was 12, I stayed away from home from morning till past midnight.
Someone called the police. Two officers found me at Ang Mo Kio town centre.
It was about 11pm. They asked for my name. I gave them a false name and they let me go.
But they saw me again, loitering. I ran. They chased.
Madam Neo: I went there from Choa Chu Kang, with a bottle of milk and bread. I feared he might be hungry.
Mr Lin: The policemen said: “Go home with your father or we take you to the station.” I did not want to go with my dad. And I could not go with my mum. It was an impasse.
Madam Neo (crying before composing herself): He was just squatting, his back against a pillar. I was heartbroken.
Mr Lin: Each officer grabbed one arm, cuffed me and stuffed me into the police car.
The officer in the passenger seat turned around to calm me down. I kicked him in the face. He was thrown against the window. I feel very bad till today and want to say I am very sorry to him.
What did the year at Gracehaven do for you?
Mr Lin: It smartened me up. That and my time in the National Police Cadet Corp in Yio Chu Kang Secondary School taught me discipline, character and teamwork.
I learnt that the world does not revolve around you – you have to find a place in the world.
I also realised that staying with my dad was still family – at least I had my freedom, better than staying in a home.
How did you raise him to be kind despite your circumstances?
Mr Lin: My mum finds it hard to say no to people if they ask her for help. She would probably give you her last dollar if you needed it.
Madam Neo: I try to teach by example. If you are kind to people, they will be kind to you – it goes around.
Mr Lin: She loves kids and that rubbed off on me. She worked hard to make herself a part of our lives.
Madam Neo: I worked overtime till 9pm as a clinic assistant. So I could earn extra money and take them out on weekends – like to Sentosa or movies or shopping.
Mr Lin: She wanted us to have as normal a childhood as possible even though we were from a broken home.
Which is why I feel strongly that kids should have a normal childhood. Seeing Bryan doing the things a child his age should be doing, I’m glad I did what I did.
How did you come to terms with his kidney donation?
Madam Neo: I worry about what would happen 10, 20 years from now. Both sides of the family – his father’s and mine – have high blood pressure and diabetes.
So I worry about possible complications. I am happy that someone benefits because of what he was willing to do, but in a “selfish” way, I worry for my son.
Mr Lin: There are no major adjustments. I do not have any dietary restrictions – just eat healthy, have an annual medical check-up and refrain from sports till my body recovers fully.
What is your parenting style?
Madam Neo: I treat my children as friends. You need to see things from a child’s perspective, so that you can teach him in a way he can accept.
If the parent-child roles were reversed, what would you do differently?
Madam Neo: I cannot imagine being in his shoes. I suppose if I were in his situation, I would probably rebel as well.
Mr Lin: Probably nothing. My mum has tried her best for me. I was not the easiest kid to bring up and I could not ask for much more.
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