Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Eyes wide shut at the office? And a list of 'revised' definitions...

Just what is happening at ST?

I opened my newspaper (May 7) and I see this!...

No one among the checkers spotted that missing "t"? I can recommend my optometrist; he's very good.

Then I started reading TODAY (May 7)...

Hello! Basic grammar rule here: subject-verb-object.

So, this story above is actually saying that the police (subject) shot and wounded (verbs) a suspect and leaving six people injured (objects). Really?

That's not all. Further down the story...

The officers, we are then told, shot and subdued a suspect with a knife, that is, the suspect was (after he had been shot) subdued with a knife!! For clarity, all that's needed is to add a modifier:

Police officers... shot and subdued a male suspect who was armed with a knife...


Police officers... shot and subdued a knife-wielding male suspect...

Come on, ST and TODAY, you guys can do better!


I'll wrap up on a happier note. CC sent me this:

The New English Definitions!

It seems that a lot of our old definitions for things are just that: Old.

So, some creative folks have come up with a new list of definitions!

Here are some of the new definitions we loved the most:

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

Father: The banker that nature gave to children.

Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections.

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills. 

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies.

Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.

Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions.

Yawn: The only time married men are allowed to open their mouth.

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

An adult: A person who has stopped growing from either end and now just grows in the middle.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Chicken: The only animal we eat before it's born as well as after it's dead.

Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

No comments:

Post a Comment