Eyes wide shut at the office? And a list of 'revised' definitions...

Just what is happening at ST?

I opened my newspaper (May 7) and I see this!...

No one among the checkers spotted that missing "t"? I can recommend my optometrist; he's very good.

Then I started reading TODAY (May 7)...

Hello! Basic grammar rule here: subject-verb-object.

So, this story above is actually saying that the police (subject) shot and wounded (verbs) a suspect and leaving six people injured (objects). Really?

That's not all. Further down the story...

The officers, we are then told, shot and subdued a suspect with a knife, that is, the suspect was (after he had been shot) subdued with a knife!! For clarity, all that's needed is to add a modifier:

Police officers... shot and subdued a male suspect who was armed with a knife...

OR

Police officers... shot and subdued a knife-wielding male suspect...

Come on, ST and TODAY, you guys can do better!

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I'll wrap up on a happier note. CC sent me this:

The New English Definitions!

It seems that a lot of our old definitions for things are just that: Old. So, some creative folks have come up with a new list of definitions!

Here are some of the new definitions we loved the most:

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay. Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich. Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills. Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men. Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there. Father: The banker that nature gave to children. Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.  Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece. Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies. Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are. Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions. Yawn: The only time married men are allowed to open their mouth. Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. An adult: A person who has stopped growing from either end and now just grows in the middle. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Chicken: The only animal we eat before it's born as well as after it's dead. Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.