Move aside Mr Nobel, here comes Mr Confucius

Never rile China. It can one-up-manship you, or at least try to -- with hilarious effect, I would say.

The Nobel Committee, one will recall, infuriated the Beijing mandarins when it awarded its Nobel Peace Prize to jailed Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo whose crime, it seemed, was to call for political reforms in China.

The award ceremony is in Oslo, Norway, tomorrow (10 Dec). Not only has Mr Liu's wife been prevented from going there to receive the award on behalf of her husband, China has demanded that no other country should turn up for the ceremony. Or else! It has already frozen trade talks with Norway.

The Straits Times report (9 Dec, page A6) said 44 countries braved China's ire and will be in Oslo. They include India, Japan, South Korea, and Asean member Indonesia.

The stay-aways include Pakistan, Venezuela, Cuba, Russia, Iran, and Serbia. So far no surprises. But two Asean members -- Vietnam, famed for being fiercely independent towards China; and the Philippines, an ally of the United States (the presumed champion of democracy) -- decided to roll over and have their tummies tickled by Ah Loong (not Ah Long, ah).

What's interesting up to this point is: was Singapore invited by Norway (the criterion used was that invited countries were the ones with their embassy in Oslo)? I did a check and found that we have a consulate there, not an embassy. Whew! But what if we did have an embassy there? Hmmmm.

Also, neither The Straits Times nor Today (which also ran a similar story, 9 Dec, page 36) value-added their stories with mention of Singapore's attendance or non-attendance. Hmmmm again.

Okay, the hilarious part is coming...

China decided to stage its own peace prize -- the first Confucius Peace Prize. No kidding.

The organizing body, which said it was non-governmental but worked closely with China's Culture Ministry, drew up a list of prestigious candidates. They included: the US' Jimmy Carter and  Bill Gates, South Africa's Nelson Mandela, Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas, and the Panchen Lama, that is, the Lama appointed by Beijing.

The winner? Taiwan's former vice-president Lien Chan, from the ruling KMT party favoured by China.

Now, this is what The Straits Times report said next:

"An aide to Mr Lien, who declined to be named, told The Straits Times yesterday that Mr Lien's office had not been formally informed of the award.

"Taiwan media quoted Mr Ting Yuan-chao, spokesman for Mr Lien's office, as saying: 'We have never heard of it'."

ST's headline for this story was "China sets up its own peace prize". But mine would be: "Lien Chan: Me? Peace award? Show me the money first".

[Er, yes, got money, Mr Lien: 100,000 yuan (S$19,800). Mr Liu's Nobel prize is US$1.4 million (S$1.8 million)].

Postscript: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Watch out next for the Putin Peace Prize, the Kim Jong Il Peace Prize, the Road to Mandalay Peace Prize, etc. As we say in hokkien, wah piang!