Political humour

This year is almost ended, and pundits expect the general election to be held in 2011, even as early as within the first quarter.

There will be serious and lighter moments during the hustings. This posting is dedicated to anecdotes, all made up of course, about political personalities here as well as overseas.

Back when John Major was Prime Minister of Britain and George HW Bush was President of the United States, the latter visited Britain. He was impressed with the orderly succession process in British party politics.

So, he asked Mr Major what was the procedure that got him selected as PM.

"Easy, old chap," Mr Major replied. "I was asked this riddle: 'He is my father's son but he is not my brother. Who is he?'. The answer, of course, is "me".

Impressed, Mr Bush went back to Washington. He wondered if Vice-President Dan Quayle was smart enough to succeed him. So, he asked him to solve the riddle.

Mr Quayle huddled with his advisers. All were equally puzzled. But one perked up and said: "The smartest man in America is Henry Kissinger. Ask him!"

So, Mr Quayle spoke to Dr Kissinger. Amused, Dr Kissinger chortled and said: "The answer is 'me'."

Mr Quayle reached President Bush on the phone and smugly declared: "I have the answer. It's Henry Kissinger!"

Mr Bush was disappointed. As he put down the phone, he said to himself: "Why didn't he get it? It's John Major!"

This next one is still an American-centric anecdote. President Bill Clinton is preparing to vacate the White House so that his successor, George W. Bush, can move in.

Bill was called away to an urgent meeting on the day of the familiarisation tour so Hilary alone took George and Laura to the various rooms.

That night, George told Laura he could not wait to be the White House's occupant. "Remember, when I asked to use the bathroom and Hilary pointed in a certain direction? Well, I walked on and opened the door to what I thought was a rather small bathroom. But it had a classy golden urinal!"

That same night, as Bill was about to fall asleep in bed, Hilary told him, "Keep calm, but this morning George peed into your beloved saxophone."

Back when Anwar Ibrahim was Malaysia's Deputy Prime Minister, Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad took a holiday and made Anwar the Acting PM.

The next day, Anwar turned up at the office wearing a T-shirt advertising the brand "Boss" (for Hugo Boss). He wore T-shirts like this throughout his acting premiership.

When  Dr Mahathir returned, his aide told him about it. Dr Mahathir mulled over the matter and the next day, he turned up in a T-shirt emblazoned with the word: "Bossini".

Back when Mr Lee Kuan Yew was mulling over who would succeed him as Prime Minister, a minister plucked up his courage and knocked on the PM's door.

After he had posed The Question,  PM Lee -- slightly irritated -- said softly in Hokkien: "Tan. Tan."

Whereupon the minister rushed off to proclaim to his colleagues: "It's Tony Tan".

Another minister decided to verify this. He knocked on PM Lee's door and also asked The Question. This time, though, the PM -- really irritated by now -- shouted in English: "Go! Go!"

Whereupon the other minister went back and proclaimed: "No, it's Goh Chok
Tong, lah!"

["Tan. Tan" in Hokkien means "Wait. Wait". For the Mahathir joke, "Bossini" is a play on words, since "sini" means "here" in Malay. So, "Bossini" can be loosely taken to mean "I'm THE boss here".]

Last set... a series of awards.

To the Prime Minister, for culinary creativity. Someday, someone will come up with "Mee siam ai hum" (mee siam with cockles).]

To Mr Wong Kan Seng, for his wordsmith skills. Thanks to him (after Mas Selamat Kastari escaped and was suspected to have crossed the Johor Strait), a new term -- "improvised flotation device" entered the English language.

Finally, to Mr Lim Swee Say, for linguistic creativity. Thanks to him, we learned that being "good" is not good enough. We have to be "better, betterer, best".