Sibling ribaldry

Wow, it's almost Christmas. So, before I start the countdown to be good, I better "offload" some more naughty stuff from my closet. The items below were exchanged during sibling gatherings (hence the heading). They were, hopefully, not uttered within earshot of the young 'uns.

The first three are really vintage 60s/70s. Answers below at the end of this posting.

1. What's hot and throbbing and between the legs?
2. What's between the milk bar and the drive-in?
3. What has four balls and two nuts?

4. How can you tell which pencil practises safe sex?
5. How do you make sure both partners know it at once if there's a leak?
6. What did the slick lawyer tell the judge to get his client off a rape charge?

7. For this next one, your "victims" (make sure they are adults)  must not be given the chance to think too hard. First, get them to practise with innocent opposites, like "what's the opposite of black" (white) and "good" (bad). Then, hit them with: "What's the opposite of near-queen"?

8. They met at a bar and later went to his flat. But when she saw his manhood, the tattoo there had the word "AIDS". She wanted to leave at once. Wait a bit, he said. True enough, in full tilt, the tattoo now read "ADIDAS".

9. The old sailor, for old times' sake, visited the port area he frequented as a strapping young man. He ended up in the local cathouse and decided to have a go. "How am I doing?" he asked after some time. "Oh, about three knots," she answered. "Three knots?" he repeated, puzzled. "You are knot up to speed, you have knot dropped anchor, and you are knot getting your money back," she finally said.

10. The queen's husband, the president, and the prime minister were comparing their manhood (this one is Cold War vintage, so rivals and even allies were "hung up" about competing in every which way possible). Verdict: "God save the queen," admitted, in unison, the president and prime minister of the world's most powerful countries at the time.

11. If Haw Par and Lum Chang were to merge, what would be the resultant corporate name? 

12. What does "goldleaf" stand for?

Answers
1. A motorcycle
2. The navel
3. Peter, Paul and Mary (Generation X may be clueless here. PPM was a popular folk group of the late 60s/early 70s. I suppose an update here would be to use a current solo female/two males pop group.)
4. Use two condoms. Liberally rub in Tiger Balm between them before use.
5. The one with the rubber.
6. "Your honour, the evidence will not stand."

11. LamPar (if you don't understand Hokkien, get someone who does to help you on this one). 
12. Sorry, this one is so bad I can't bring myself to give the answer. I want my present from Santa! I'll start being good from this point, and for the next few postings, at least.