Friday, October 26, 2012

In a land full of zombies...

I think this is an event tailored-made for my fellow Singaporeans (although I'm not so sure about the jerking part, unless it might well be one reason why the country has so few babies... all that life-creating stuff going to waste!):


I encounter zombies in Singapore everyday -- on the streets, in the shopping malls, in the trains! There are legions of them. Don't bother to make eye contact with an approaching zombie on a sidewalk here, as you would do elsewhere to basically "signal" to each other, "I'll keep to this side and you keep to that side so we don't bump into each other" as we hurry along.

No, sirree, just as you think it's all settled, you keep to the left, he (or she) keeps to the right, the zombie suddenly cuts into your path... right in front of your face! No "I'm so sorry". Just that vacant, almost imbecile (maybe let's take out "almost") blank stare. Like I  said, you see lots of them here: male, female, young, old, yuppie, ah pek, ah soh.

Hint: One clue -- but not a sufficient condition -- is that many of these zombies shuffle along rather than stride or walk purposefully.

They do this in the malls too.. shuffle, shuffle, cutting into your path, stopping suddenly, blocking narrow passageways. Amazingly, just as they reach the top of the escalator, they will stop RIGHT THERE while taking an eternity to decide whether to turn right or left as if you -- right behind them -- do not exist. And if you hold the door for them, hah! They, and their vacant zombie look, will walk through... yes, as if you do not exist. No thank you, not even a weak smile of appreciation.

Study carefully one variant of the Singapore zombie: the "green man" traffic junction/pedestrian crossing zombie. He or she will have a sudden unexpected surge of energy when the "green man" and countdown counter shows the "red man" is about to come on. The zombie can actually scramble! But as soon as this undead miscreant reaches the edge, it becomes zombie-like again, dragging its feet slowly across to the other side even if the "red man" has already come on.

Ditto at "zebra" crossings. Zombies somehow sense that, undead as they are, their blood will spill if hit by a car. So they do make eye contact at such crossings -- but only to gauge if the driver will give way and stop. This being Singapore, there are drivers who don't, if they see that the pedestrian about to cross is already aware of them.

But if you are a driver like me -- someone who makes the effort to stop even if the approaching pedestrian is not quite at the crossing yet -- the zombie mantle comes on as soon as he or she is at the zebra stripes. I am often amazed how long it can take a perfectly healthy looking specimen of zombie to get from point A to point B of a short striped-crossing. Zombies here make foot-dragging a specially honed skill.

Zombies on the trains fall into two categories: those who occupy the reserved seats and seem to be asleep (they are mostly young males, and probably exhausted from too much jerking and groaning) so they do not notice pregnant women or frail elderly folk standing in front of them; and those whose vacant, sparkleless eyes are glued to some silly-looking device with a screen.

So, I do think the Singapore Zombie Walk will be a big hit but it will give the judges -- if there is a contest too -- a hard time watching all that jerking (oops, a double entendre!) and groaning. They will have to decide who is the "zombiest" -- in a land full of zombies.

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